251212 0427Hrs

A lonely christmas, raining.... i feel heavy.... actually wanted to spend it with my love but no more.... well, guess i have finish the trial...

End of the world is indeed bull shit... a lot people making up story this and that. Its only through thick and thin, u will see a person true heart. guess that very true.... but for me be it or not i always give it all, and now feeling sad again.....

guess im stupid enough to fall for it again.

241212 1441Hrs

This year im gonna get my ccnp :) the good lord please help me :) But Lonely Christmas....

241212 1231Hrs

Sigh i thought this year christmas will be so nice and warm :( someone just destroy it again....

Fuck that. Go and be the way you are. when thing gets better, someone will love me for who i am.

Any way thanks for accompany me those period of time.

231212 1656Hrs

What the hell is this all happening again. really what the fuck. Not a caring person thats all she say. fine, go ahead. i have been telling you, and you still wanna be like this. go ahead

you are just wasting my time. really go forward and move on to your next guy. i don wanna be so stupid again to keep chasing. i am tired.

May god bless you.

191212 1021Hrs

I was on my way to client site at bugis, guess who I saw? its Catherine, Sylvia second sister. she was with her daughter baby Karen. :) she call me and Karen was actually waving at me haha,

never seen Karen for a while since sometime back. she still remember me :)the whole event last about 1 to 2 minutes.

I do get funny thought, weird and sad feeling :( what is this all about man :(

well at least for that moment only.....
  

131212 1130 Hrs

131212 1048Hrs

I met a broken girl, knowing she was cheated and heart broken for the lie and hurts for the last five years. I stay with her giving her everything I have. In sometime later, some how I knew she wont be loving me back.

But I still care for her. She is afraid of thunder, whenever it sound off I would hold her in my arms, and cover her ear, making sure she feel safe... and days to come whenever its raining if I am not anywhere near her, I will text her to be careful. My feeling grow so strongly for broken girl.... whenever I am sleeping with broken girl in the middle of the night, I would sit beside her watching broken girl sleep. I feel safe and for a moment I close my eyes.

I've give broken girl a present I don't think anyone of her ex could give. I have met broken girl's mom and grandmom. Both don like me.... because I am poor, I don have the financial power.broken girl hide it away, I never knew that... till the day broken girl told me about it. broken girl told me she have dated a few guys... my heart is very very broken, my knight armor shed into pieces... leaving my so open up to attacks.... in my heart I was so afraid and lost and hopeless, lonely......

I pray to God to give me strength to love unconditionally. but I fail.... I left broken girl, broken girl cry very hard for the first time. my heart became soft again.... holding her in my arms again.... But just to let broken girl hurt me again....

................. I really wish you good from the bottom of my heart.

I wish broken girl will have a blessed and wonderful life she wish for... broken girl left me with a happy heart now.....

I am left over with broken heart....

131212 0945Hrs

I was suppose to write something yesterday 121212. But no time haha.... today I reach office, nothing to do again. slowly this place is becoming walking dead... few of my comrade left... I am demoralize. what good is there to stay?....

I have come to this place for a new start new life. But all it seems now is becoming worst.... maybe perhaps God want me to go through this trial again? My Lord, for you know my loyalty for you. I have lost a very good comrade for me.. Alvin Ang.... and recently I lost my motivation again. Its so damn hard for me to just keep it up.

Recently I've been researching on zodiac, why do I even have to be born on this day.... date..... Why the FUCK am I so different from others?????  FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh..... never mind I will pick my bag up again and step by step inch out to my dream. my dream the northern light... I know I might not make it, but, I would die try.... even if it mean I have to go alone.... of coz in my heart I really wish I could go with my love.... but then again.... well lets stop here.... coz I know it wont help anything anymore.....

I am losing my grip....  even I am losing it, I would still help anyone that needed help.... a lot people say that I am stupid.... but I really don know why I will help and I give my all to it too.... why I am build like this???   why am I born like this? I don think its of my parent coz they are not that helpful, though helpful. Can someone just point me in the right direction?

A lot people look at me I am a very happy person and without problem trouble and all. But, people deep in me I don know how I should tell you its killing me inside and none have seen it. when I am very close with you then you might see. for now I would just be what it is....