120816 1540hrs

从什么都没有到有， 一切的一切也只不过一场戏罢了。 人生没几回，过程中从满着，爱，恨，情，仇。

并非是我不懂人情世故， 而是稀少的人懂我。 有时我怨恨， 气愤，不满，伤己。 不是对人而是对己。 世人不懂我，我认，我受。 但你为何也如此？

我只想在这花花世界留下我的足影， 想让世人知道，我没被花花世界所影响。 我还是我。你就这么的看不到吗？

大丈夫要有当但， 我错了吗？ 为了别人好， 人却把我当坏人。。。 此意乃真心，就你不懂我。

承受着压力的我， 你们懂吗？多少回，我真的受不住了。天下可有人知吗？ 在我背后的压力，重得我四肢无力之， 可否有人申出援手呢？ 都没有。。。。

我扛得好生痛楚， 我也没有怨言。

140716 1445hrs

I am writing this with very heavy heart. Ong Hock Long is a very close brother of mine during active days in army. i've lost contact with him ever since. little do i know the boatman of the boat catching fire was him.....

We have so many great memories together. there's a time when my company people going out for training, it left me, ah long (hock long) and tony. we went into the mess and then smoke la eat la play game ETC....

To think of 13 years later he is death..... i don know how to express that gravity pull in my heart now. Ah long, we have still so many thing left unsaid, i was hoping for the day we meet again so we can talk about everything on earth.

You left without a word.......

God  take care of my brother in arm. I commit my brother Ong Hock Long unto your hand.

Take care and send your blessing to his family member, as the pain of losing a son is unbearable. Dear heavenly father, my lord, my king, there's nothing i could do right now. You are the only one that is in control of everything.

I ask this in the name of my Lord Jesus, Amen.

280116 1600hrs

As i am writing this, the stress i am facing is damn real. and its damn stressful. look i love animal ok, but this is getting out of hand. i am damn fucking tired of what people always injecting themselves to my life and wanna take point on it. look first i have a brain..... you got it?

I am not those people that, if out of no choice i will give in. Please do not underestimate me in such manner. For i am who i am, its either you accept me completely or you fuck off from my life.

My blind loyalty finally kill me to a extend i am changing myself to another person. i do not like this. Loyalty is in my blood.... how can i just leave them to die like this. am i too soft? For sure right now i am too tired mentally. after 37 years first time in my life i felt like this. Inside me i am scared..... But not a single soul right now can understand it.

Please cut my some slack, don keep pushing your luck!!! Because i know myself. i am a damn nasty demon you will ever come across when i am pushed to my limit. I can feel it and its reaching. Deep in me i have long buried this demon, and i have no intention to let him out. This inner demon of mine is something you will fear, and worried of. So puny human i urge you do not test my patient any longer, for you don have what it takes to stop it.

Forgive me my lord, for i am weak and i need you. only you are able to help me.....

To hell to my past, i am a new person. The old have past and i am new. No fucking one claim my life, Except for GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD my life belong to you, use it as you wish!!!! in the name of Jesus i pray to you Amen!!