Wednesday 30 November 2011
Wednesday 23 November 2011
231111 2059hrs
because you never knew that cut that was so deep in me....... drastically change my inner self..... i told alvin just now.... i hate this change..... i feel so weak .... i am weaken further when bb cannot understand it....
bb pls do not destroy what i am right now.... coz i am once a very bad person but still with those value i mention to u..... i don wanna go back there sorry if i ever hurt u like that.... if thats a really big thing for u and u really cannot accept.... be it i really cannot do anything..... pls don give me the feeling i am at anyone mercy...
Because I am at only god mercy none else.... my lord command me to love my enemy..... lord forgive me for i am so weak i find it very hard to love them if they HURT my love one.....
bb there are so many thing in me you find really hard to accept.... bb not every one is perfect like i say before.... but i know you are capable of seeing others condition is much more better than me.... i not in anyway want u to leave.... just feel the pain u have..... this feeling is in me all the time....losing u is a very painful thing for me... i hope ever that day come..... PLS do let me know gently......
i will step down.....
bb pls do not destroy what i am right now.... coz i am once a very bad person but still with those value i mention to u..... i don wanna go back there sorry if i ever hurt u like that.... if thats a really big thing for u and u really cannot accept.... be it i really cannot do anything..... pls don give me the feeling i am at anyone mercy...
Because I am at only god mercy none else.... my lord command me to love my enemy..... lord forgive me for i am so weak i find it very hard to love them if they HURT my love one.....
bb there are so many thing in me you find really hard to accept.... bb not every one is perfect like i say before.... but i know you are capable of seeing others condition is much more better than me.... i not in anyway want u to leave.... just feel the pain u have..... this feeling is in me all the time....losing u is a very painful thing for me... i hope ever that day come..... PLS do let me know gently......
i will step down.....
231111 2053
bao bei and i are an item yay!!!! but yesterday she is very unhappy.... sigh..... what can i do?
was it a death sentence? i don know....
i look around does not mean i am not listening. did i ever get angry over something you did? even if i don like it? you did that... but i did not lose my cool... coz i know that is you....
i will back off for now......
was it a death sentence? i don know....
i look around does not mean i am not listening. did i ever get angry over something you did? even if i don like it? you did that... but i did not lose my cool... coz i know that is you....
i will back off for now......
Friday 11 November 2011
Thursday 10 November 2011
101111 1751hrs..
My LORD in heaven pls hear me..... pls bless my bao bei, and give her everything the best in the name of my LORD king jesus AMEN..
101111 1557hrs
yesterday in ym, bao bei say she still got feeling for that guy.... i sad sad ....... i don know..... but one thing i do know is i really like bao bei.....
in the ktv we hug 2 time..... first is when the song i don wanna miss a thing. i hug bao bei while trying to sing haha.... in the corner of my eye... i could see bao bei glancing at me haha... we talk about our relationship.... bao bei was quiet... i know something.... i feel it.... i really thank God for giving me this power to feel people... but this time i feel like it is also a curse.... bao bei heart is not with me..... my heart was crying actually.....
second time the song play ah qin qishi hai ai ni.... i officially ask bao bei to be my girlfriend.... but bao bei.......... my heart cry the second time..... i know its very hard on her now...... bao bei say we got many differences..... i know that.... i also scare to hurt bao bei..... i cannot step in or out..... i feel pain........
last night when bao bei say when kissig me she did not replace him as me.... i actually knew that was from the heart..... i very happy because bao bei actually said it :)
i told bao bei, i will retreat.... coz i don want bao bei to be difficult on this.... i told her she need to clear the cloud without me.... as it wont affect her decision..... one thing i know is that bao bei door are still open..... i also have the fear.... if that guy suddenly do everything what bao bei ask..... somehow bao bei will consider.... love is always selfish.... he understood bao bei very well, for i don know yet... for that bao bei will go back.... i understand somehow you like me too bao bei. but like you say we have many differences
i am afraid i cannot keep up....even if i can keep up but for how long??? i am afraid of myself.... the more i see you the more i falling for you....
today we eat breakfast heh heh first time from a long long time... bao bei mind wonder around.... i see in her eyes....
in the ktv we hug 2 time..... first is when the song i don wanna miss a thing. i hug bao bei while trying to sing haha.... in the corner of my eye... i could see bao bei glancing at me haha... we talk about our relationship.... bao bei was quiet... i know something.... i feel it.... i really thank God for giving me this power to feel people... but this time i feel like it is also a curse.... bao bei heart is not with me..... my heart was crying actually.....
second time the song play ah qin qishi hai ai ni.... i officially ask bao bei to be my girlfriend.... but bao bei.......... my heart cry the second time..... i know its very hard on her now...... bao bei say we got many differences..... i know that.... i also scare to hurt bao bei..... i cannot step in or out..... i feel pain........
last night when bao bei say when kissig me she did not replace him as me.... i actually knew that was from the heart..... i very happy because bao bei actually said it :)
i told bao bei, i will retreat.... coz i don want bao bei to be difficult on this.... i told her she need to clear the cloud without me.... as it wont affect her decision..... one thing i know is that bao bei door are still open..... i also have the fear.... if that guy suddenly do everything what bao bei ask..... somehow bao bei will consider.... love is always selfish.... he understood bao bei very well, for i don know yet... for that bao bei will go back.... i understand somehow you like me too bao bei. but like you say we have many differences
i am afraid i cannot keep up....even if i can keep up but for how long??? i am afraid of myself.... the more i see you the more i falling for you....
today we eat breakfast heh heh first time from a long long time... bao bei mind wonder around.... i see in her eyes....
Wednesday 9 November 2011
091111 2008hrs
Yesterday i and bao bei went to hougang plaza ktv haha..... i sing some songs for my bao bei :) she kiss me :)....... i am happy....... before that we went to lavendar food court eat...
she give me lian ou to eat which in my life i never tasted before..... though i don like, i still eat ..... when i wanted to cut into little pieces to eat, she don let haha.... but stil i cut heh heh...
after the ktv, i went to her house to get my shirt :).... we hug hug heh heh..... i am happy..... i wear the new shirt i happy :) ............ thanks bao bei :).......
my heart for you grew day by day...... :) i wish to my LORD.... give me the strength to hang in there..... bao bei be sure i will be here as you need me.... :) i know what that guy do..... i wanted to teach him a lesson.... but just now in ym. you say you cannot erase the memory like this.... i understand..... i withdraw what i say.... sorry if you feel pressure........
she give me lian ou to eat which in my life i never tasted before..... though i don like, i still eat ..... when i wanted to cut into little pieces to eat, she don let haha.... but stil i cut heh heh...
after the ktv, i went to her house to get my shirt :).... we hug hug heh heh..... i am happy..... i wear the new shirt i happy :) ............ thanks bao bei :).......
my heart for you grew day by day...... :) i wish to my LORD.... give me the strength to hang in there..... bao bei be sure i will be here as you need me.... :) i know what that guy do..... i wanted to teach him a lesson.... but just now in ym. you say you cannot erase the memory like this.... i understand..... i withdraw what i say.... sorry if you feel pressure........
Tuesday 8 November 2011
081111 0204hrs
bao bei sometime i really think if you would miss me? :) ...... i really miss you so much :)......
Monday 7 November 2011
bao bei this is for you :)......
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
071111 2222hrs
bao bei is on her way back le :) i am happy..... she buy shirt for me :) heh heh... hug hug you :)
somehow today i cannot feel her :( why?...... somehow i feel her :).... why?.....
strange feeling :( why?......
somehow today i cannot feel her :( why?...... somehow i feel her :).... why?.....
strange feeling :( why?......
Saturday 5 November 2011
051111 0019hrs
bao bei must be in her dream land le haha..... sweet dream bao bei.... your knight is watching over you :) no one can harm you de..... :)
041111 2349hrs
tomorrow you will be going to KL... enjoy your trip :) i wanted to see you so much today.... but i scare you very tired.... :) i have missed you so much..... i don know anymore if i can hang in there.... :) but its ok ......:) as long you are comfortable i am happy :)
Today i in the cell group but my comrade alvin not here... he at oversea working... i pray for him and his girl
en qi just now.... :) ..
I miss you so terribly much....... :( i cannot concentrate...... :( sigh............. i understand you want bread over love.... i know how you been through.... but if i only got a pure heart for you?? will you accept me??? do you know when you say about what your requirement is, and about you like low temper person, and you say you know early stage about us le.... i am very sad..... i know i am so weak on that part. that moment... i was like cannot say further le.....
everytime i hug you..... i feel my soul is renew :) i feel like 95% of myself came back :) right after i send you home.... i become like 50% of myself.... today i think i am only 25% of myself.... sorry :(
now i think i even less for i know i cannot see you for the next 3 days....... what can i do???
wise man say..... only fool rush in.... but i cant help falling in love with you.......
shall i stay?? would it be a sin??? but i cant help falling in love with you....
take my hand... take my whole life too... but i cant help falling in love with you....
when i see you thats where my heart is.... :) i like it when i say something, you look at me and listen :) when i return your look... i know you are thinking though not accepting everything. and you stood your ground :)
Today i in the cell group but my comrade alvin not here... he at oversea working... i pray for him and his girl
en qi just now.... :) ..
I miss you so terribly much....... :( i cannot concentrate...... :( sigh............. i understand you want bread over love.... i know how you been through.... but if i only got a pure heart for you?? will you accept me??? do you know when you say about what your requirement is, and about you like low temper person, and you say you know early stage about us le.... i am very sad..... i know i am so weak on that part. that moment... i was like cannot say further le.....
everytime i hug you..... i feel my soul is renew :) i feel like 95% of myself came back :) right after i send you home.... i become like 50% of myself.... today i think i am only 25% of myself.... sorry :(
now i think i even less for i know i cannot see you for the next 3 days....... what can i do???
wise man say..... only fool rush in.... but i cant help falling in love with you.......
shall i stay?? would it be a sin??? but i cant help falling in love with you....
take my hand... take my whole life too... but i cant help falling in love with you....
when i see you thats where my heart is.... :) i like it when i say something, you look at me and listen :) when i return your look... i know you are thinking though not accepting everything. and you stood your ground :)
Friday 4 November 2011
041111 1817hrs
Yesterday i go with her labrador park :) i am happy..... deep in my heart i really so happy :) i never feel as such for a very long time..... :) same time i feel her still holding on.... i know what's your concern.....
Erm..... i will be here ok?... even in future we may or may not be together..... wo zhi dao ni hui hen hao de.... i am really afraid of failing you.... ke shi, yi ci you yi ci wo men jian mian, wo jiu yi ci you yi ci de xian de shen yi dian.... wo hao pa wo bu neng chu lai.... Wo shi zhen de xi huan ni :) you pa dao bu liao ni de jin jie...... thank you for yesterday dinner... i see you wash cloth, cook, wash dish.... hey i really like that.... i want to wash it together with you :)
each time we see each other, im always so excited :) i'm always looking forward to see you everytime..... i wonder do you feel the same? why do i have to come to know you so late????
bao bei, why not we become an item first and you can still look for the perfect one? will it be better for you?? i know its must be hard on you too.... but, i just want you to know that, if ever you found one, pls let me know ok??? :) don hide away from me ok? :)
i tell you something, in my eyes and in my heart, i really like the thing you do... your normal daily life i mean :) then again your standard is different :) i really don want to iron out my heart just yet..... i just want to feel you around :) i have been someone knight before..... but they don treasure it..... i really wish you can take this bond to a whole new level.... let me just be here.... :) being around with you is actually the happiest moment of my day..... i know i'm being greedy i want it everyday.....
even it cant be everyday..... i'm still happy if we keep in contact :) i am really happy when you say want me to meet your mother :) really i am happy :) i have lost my sword and shield due to the past. what i left is only my knight's armor..... if i ever lost you, i know i have lost all my knight property... then i would have lost all thing in me.... never will i take up my knight armor, sword , and shield.....
sorry for being sound so weak..... just trying to express myself best as i can.... its been a little tough for me to keep up with you.... coz you are just so unique..... all i ever wanted is you to be happy and all....
Erm..... i will be here ok?... even in future we may or may not be together..... wo zhi dao ni hui hen hao de.... i am really afraid of failing you.... ke shi, yi ci you yi ci wo men jian mian, wo jiu yi ci you yi ci de xian de shen yi dian.... wo hao pa wo bu neng chu lai.... Wo shi zhen de xi huan ni :) you pa dao bu liao ni de jin jie...... thank you for yesterday dinner... i see you wash cloth, cook, wash dish.... hey i really like that.... i want to wash it together with you :)
each time we see each other, im always so excited :) i'm always looking forward to see you everytime..... i wonder do you feel the same? why do i have to come to know you so late????
bao bei, why not we become an item first and you can still look for the perfect one? will it be better for you?? i know its must be hard on you too.... but, i just want you to know that, if ever you found one, pls let me know ok??? :) don hide away from me ok? :)
i tell you something, in my eyes and in my heart, i really like the thing you do... your normal daily life i mean :) then again your standard is different :) i really don want to iron out my heart just yet..... i just want to feel you around :) i have been someone knight before..... but they don treasure it..... i really wish you can take this bond to a whole new level.... let me just be here.... :) being around with you is actually the happiest moment of my day..... i know i'm being greedy i want it everyday.....
even it cant be everyday..... i'm still happy if we keep in contact :) i am really happy when you say want me to meet your mother :) really i am happy :) i have lost my sword and shield due to the past. what i left is only my knight's armor..... if i ever lost you, i know i have lost all my knight property... then i would have lost all thing in me.... never will i take up my knight armor, sword , and shield.....
sorry for being sound so weak..... just trying to express myself best as i can.... its been a little tough for me to keep up with you.... coz you are just so unique..... all i ever wanted is you to be happy and all....
Thursday 3 November 2011
031111 1600hrs
i was chatting with her in YM. :) i happy, she busy but still try talk to me :)... i feel heavy coz she got hard time thinking??? how to make her happy??/ i guess i have to step down a little don pressure her...
its like what i wrote in the letter, things i can give don mean the thing she want... she like someone low temper, i think i die there liao.... dui bu qi :( i have try hard to control.... but in the eyes of people its always never enough.... sorry people i never ever meant any harm...
dilemma eh..... i know one way can solve her problem..... but its hard to make that move..... i'm caught in between too.... i wanted the best for her :) i don want to see her suffer... i know she is a very strong women.... i still know of another way, but, that will make me a very bad person..... well if that make her more confirm of what she wanted to decide..... i don mind becoming the bad guy ........
ni hui hen hao de.... yin wei, zai ni de sheng ming li, you ge nan ren yuan yi wei ni fu chu. sometime in my life i sometime stop and wonder, why i cannot be this or that..... and at some point in life i realize i am born to entertain people around me.... but never really happy myself.....?????? confuse......
deddy and i have the same thinking... but i understand from certain part in him, is more reality. for me is like dream dream dream.... i needed someone to be detail to lead me..... coz i can thinking far and really big. just don know how i should put it in use....
I NO NEED SOMEONE TO COMPLETE ME..... I NEED SOMEONE TO ACCEPT ME COMPLETELY....
its like what i wrote in the letter, things i can give don mean the thing she want... she like someone low temper, i think i die there liao.... dui bu qi :( i have try hard to control.... but in the eyes of people its always never enough.... sorry people i never ever meant any harm...
dilemma eh..... i know one way can solve her problem..... but its hard to make that move..... i'm caught in between too.... i wanted the best for her :) i don want to see her suffer... i know she is a very strong women.... i still know of another way, but, that will make me a very bad person..... well if that make her more confirm of what she wanted to decide..... i don mind becoming the bad guy ........
ni hui hen hao de.... yin wei, zai ni de sheng ming li, you ge nan ren yuan yi wei ni fu chu. sometime in my life i sometime stop and wonder, why i cannot be this or that..... and at some point in life i realize i am born to entertain people around me.... but never really happy myself.....?????? confuse......
deddy and i have the same thinking... but i understand from certain part in him, is more reality. for me is like dream dream dream.... i needed someone to be detail to lead me..... coz i can thinking far and really big. just don know how i should put it in use....
I NO NEED SOMEONE TO COMPLETE ME..... I NEED SOMEONE TO ACCEPT ME COMPLETELY....
Wednesday 2 November 2011
011111 0230hrs....
when you hug me, your head on my chest. i feel you..... i know you were crying.... i feel very sad.... but i cannot cry.... i don know why...... i am very sorry that your relative have become like this..... i wanna wish to the LORD to ease your pain.... believe the LORD have the power to everything.... i love hugging you.... i can feel you feel very safe when you hug me......
i do understand, what you have become today...... i understand the situation you been through to what you have become today.... i cannot blame you... i cant blame you..... i am too much into you...... sorry.... i really cant help falling for you....
I have been very loyal to my instructor though he had been jail for thing he committed. for me, he is a father figure to me. i use to say i will uphold my knightly vow.... when i am with you, i really feel that vow comes back to me. words just cannot express my feeling....
The moment, i step down the bed... watching you sleeping, i couldn't sleep though sleepy.... i really feel if i ever go you will be left behind.... i wanted to see you everyday..... touch you feel you hug you......
somehow i know you are confuse..... i wouldn't dare to overstep my boundary.... i am so scare to lose you as my friend..... but, if i continue treating you as a friend. you will be gone one day. If i overstep my boundary, i am scare, i will lose you forever..... i am hurt.....
But for a knight, i will die with no regret. protecting my love one, comrade, my LORD, the defenseless, animal..... i can be very tough even without training..... coz my mind keep pushing my WILL limit....
None in this world will ever know me anymore..... coz the mask i wear on, is to give not take.... for i am the steel in-front of you.... none shall ever hurt you..... for my life is to give....never selfish.... i really have nothing.... but the purest heart i have for you......
I don know if ever a force so great.... to even break me down.... that force must have come from you..... if ever that day come.... pls forgive me...hug me tight one last time before you let go your hand on me......
i do understand, what you have become today...... i understand the situation you been through to what you have become today.... i cannot blame you... i cant blame you..... i am too much into you...... sorry.... i really cant help falling for you....
I have been very loyal to my instructor though he had been jail for thing he committed. for me, he is a father figure to me. i use to say i will uphold my knightly vow.... when i am with you, i really feel that vow comes back to me. words just cannot express my feeling....
The moment, i step down the bed... watching you sleeping, i couldn't sleep though sleepy.... i really feel if i ever go you will be left behind.... i wanted to see you everyday..... touch you feel you hug you......
somehow i know you are confuse..... i wouldn't dare to overstep my boundary.... i am so scare to lose you as my friend..... but, if i continue treating you as a friend. you will be gone one day. If i overstep my boundary, i am scare, i will lose you forever..... i am hurt.....
But for a knight, i will die with no regret. protecting my love one, comrade, my LORD, the defenseless, animal..... i can be very tough even without training..... coz my mind keep pushing my WILL limit....
None in this world will ever know me anymore..... coz the mask i wear on, is to give not take.... for i am the steel in-front of you.... none shall ever hurt you..... for my life is to give....never selfish.... i really have nothing.... but the purest heart i have for you......
I don know if ever a force so great.... to even break me down.... that force must have come from you..... if ever that day come.... pls forgive me...hug me tight one last time before you let go your hand on me......
021111 1613hrs
if you think you love a person.... truth is you just love the person idea.... loving with everything in you. is to empower the other person the right to do damage to you..... if you ever know my heart, pls try not to kill it. coz its just so weak.... it cannot be hurt anymore..... i really am interested in you.... if you don have any slight feeling for me.... pls don lead on.... coz its very painful....
021111 0944hrs
i think she knows..... but somehow i don know if she know or not..... i somehow is able to keep this up.... just don know how it goes anymore..... i don wanna let it go, but, each time prove otherwise...
am i not worthy??? i think i will slow down for a while.... in her heart there's someone else, what to do.... i should bless her.... God will have a way in this..... what i can do is very limited.... she said before not to pressure her, in fact i have a little.....
its ok, i will have to move on..... i know it hurt but what to do?? life is full of unexpected.... just when i think i fall into it. but to realise its too early..... i don know anymore. i wanna be alone for awhile.....
i saw it some where about a sentence people wrote. its "True love is what you want the person to be good, not about wanting the person" sigh i cannot understand.....somehow a little bit..
am i not worthy??? i think i will slow down for a while.... in her heart there's someone else, what to do.... i should bless her.... God will have a way in this..... what i can do is very limited.... she said before not to pressure her, in fact i have a little.....
its ok, i will have to move on..... i know it hurt but what to do?? life is full of unexpected.... just when i think i fall into it. but to realise its too early..... i don know anymore. i wanna be alone for awhile.....
i saw it some where about a sentence people wrote. its "True love is what you want the person to be good, not about wanting the person" sigh i cannot understand.....somehow a little bit..
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