140712 1708Hrs

have someone accompany...... i have push myself ...... bu zhi de....

130712 1406Hrs

reading up some stuff in the office. but things still comes into mind..... i freaking hate this weakness of mine.... perhap i have think too much..... all thing have a start and all things will come to an end.... is about what you feel at the end that make you feel what you feel now..... not about how you feel at the moment...

Its all lies.... and it keeps going... how many time do i have to take this?   i regretted  i did not move on feb 29.... it hurt till now...... if i did on feb 29.... all will be different......  i think i will be a much better happier person......  then again, if not for this... all these wont happened..... i guess all thing have a reason.... but no matter how hard i try i cant find it out.....

110712 2254Hrs

loving with expectation??? well its not worth to love in this condition...... someone have become a victim..... he will never know......

other factor? BS..... all BS...... U been all time like this and i been tolerating it. still u think u are faultless? or not at fault? u of all people know that well but u keep doing it to someone that love u so much..... your family, your value, your money, your judgment. everything is you you you......

even you know its not fair. but, you kept it going..... till the day come..... you can say whatever you want. you can say you can take it and everything..... and when THAT day come..... don you ever cried.... coz the person that have been willing to do that for you. has die.....

thinking that you start this anew mean it will be good? you just kept hurting people heart.... and it will never end till you find your heart in peace

100712 2016Hrs

remember i did told you.... i say if you miss me sms me.... but from start to end you never did...... and i say you will forget....... true enough...... saying you will try hard not to hurt me..... but you just did it again.....

God bless you :)

100712 2011Hrs

it hurt seeing that statement..... its ok... i wont see you anymore this time i wont turn back..... i wont be hoping anymore...... this time i will kill it...... do take care and really do.

If ever one day come, i know you wont even think. i will pray that you will lost all traces of me..... i will make sure i do that..... last.... love you.......

wish i never met you.............

Jack

090712 2019Hrs

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear


I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

070712 1242Hrs

i am very heart broken........ i think i really could not take it anymore...... sorry....................................................................................................
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry

030712 2004Hrs

Second day of new work :) happy :) but class not started yet. coz not enough people haha. sigh..... bb got BF lo.... all the best ba... saturday got BBQ what sia :) hahahaha. got to know a few friends. a number of Filipino...... 

290612 1704Hrs

if i have you as a person but i cannot have your heart, even i have the whole world i wont be happy.
i ask of you, love me once. and you will never regret trying.

during in trouble time, then you will be able to know, if the person have a true heart for you.....

239612 (250612) 1607Hrs

I have a talk with bb, somehow i understand and again i don understand. i bring her to east coast she likes it there :) the very first place i steal her kiss.... In time to come i dont think she will  REALLY FEEL that FEELING anymore....

Soon she will have a boyfriend..... and i wil have to start my new job next week.. happy same time feel a little fear..... fear is because behind me, there isnt anymore support.... a LOVE i am so serious about....
BB told me not to wait for her..... i really don know if i could do that... i will try..... T_T.....
If is God that want u to come into my life, i wont blame him for teaching  me a lesson....  the heart i have for u is so real and pure.... never sway, never weavering.... Its really so wasted and pity that we neve finish the journey together...

wo zhi ke yi shuo, hao hao de guo ni de ren sheng..... yi ge heng ai heng ai ni de ren......

170612 0103Hrs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljevYM7qdVM&feature=g-vrec

For you...

150612 1607Hrs

BB :) though i don know why have we become like this.... some LOVE just unable to use words to express. I would say i fall into that category.... U say you cannot give me your heart.... i accept it with million of regret.... i understand from the beginning, you choose bread over LOVE. in my heart i knew i will get hurt... but i choose to love you... as who you are..... coz LOVE is a very powerful gift our lord in heaven gave us.... after many things happened you wonder.... why do i still love you...

I tell you now, coz i have great respect for LOVE, THE VOW, LOVE you no matter are you sick, poor, rich, or status different. LOVE is so great that bind 2 person becoming one... That strength bring me here.....

yesterday you ask me to start seeing someone else..... it really broke my heart further...... i never drop a tears even fighting some tough guy and lost..... i never drop a tears even when i feel very sad from others.... but i drop my tears in front of you..... i remember you say i was like your second boyfriend.... and you don want to let the same thing happened again..... i was so very happy, i really believe that.... but after this lesson.... word can no longer express my feeling....... i understand the fact we are not married, you have the choice of getting to know more Guy friends...... it hurt me...... but i wont let you know how much it pain me.....

you tell me you met 3 of them and none ask you to be his girlfriend....... i ask you if you like them.... you say plus minus......

BB, do me a favor pls try your very best to forget me......... i know it ill be hard.......after i start my new job..... the only free time i have is sunday.... i was hoping to hug you touch you, feel you ..... :) my dearest BB sayang you hug you kiss you :)

Go out and spread your wings, if you are tired, or injured, make your way here. I will safe guard you waiting for you........

150612 1247Hrs

I ask bb to go to MBS to have dinner. The place that i miss so much. that night she is tired and we sit down on the chair, she fall asleep on my shoulder. after that we walk back to take my car.... kiss you on your fore head be well and safe.....

140612 2006Hrs

bb is seeing someone else.... it really really broke my heart so much........ but i will learn to pick myself up and go..... for the last time BB wo ai ni  T_T   ....... may your future be fill with laughter and bless....

120612 1831Hrs

Just now while i was watching tv. i saw the MBS scene... i drop my tears.... that was the first date i ever went out with bb after we officially together...i remember the laser show the story...  everything change after some incident happened.... i still remember we eat at the food court.

bb is wearing the yellow shirt, the same as my birthday.... i miss that so much.... yesterday i saw bb still wearing the necklace i brought for her... i miss that.... i love that.... but somehow i know my heart can only have one person in my life.....

110612 2213Hrs

We retreat to become friends. thought it will be better. but just now after dinner worst thing happened. i offer bb to drive her home but she reject... i wait with her in the bus stop. just merely talking she became angry bus came and head off without saying bye...

fine, have at you..... anyway damage have been done...

200512 2010Hrs

its so freaking painful...... loving the wrong girl...... i am very heart broken so hard and pain...............................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

200512 1944Hrs

why after i cried so hard le still sad?..just now i hear thunder i straight away think of bb scare of thunder.... why do i still have this feeling???? God pls give me peace in my heart......................

200512 1729Hrs

xin ruo juan liao
lei ye gan liao
zhe fen shen qing nan she nan liao
ceng jing yong you tian huang di lao
yi bu jian ni mu mu you zhao zhao
zhe yi fen qing yong yuan nan liao
yuan lai shi hai neng zai du yong bao
ai yi ge ren
ru he si shou dao lao
zen yang mian dui yi qie
wo bu zhi dao
hui yi guo qu tong ku den xiang si wang bu liao
wei he ni hai lai bo dong wo xin tiao
ai ni zen me neng liao
jin ye de ni ying gai ming liao
yuan nan liao
qing nan liao

Click listen
Xin bu liao qing

200512 1601Hrs

Unstable relationship.... today seem so long.... where are all my comrade? where is my love? shall i say is all over? this is what i get.... sigh.... relax jack.... not the end of world better ones are coming just hang on.... someone will love you for who you are.... love you the same as you love her.... Rose and little john is afraid of jack in the beginning, but at last they love jack... though jack is a murderer, they understood the essential of the thing.... why on earth am i hurt??? no one anymore.... put your armor back jack, i have given you a new set of armor and shield and sword. this time protect it with care... don let anyone simply let you off guard... yes my master i will, now i will cry hard for few days and in God name i will never drop a tears..... jack be strong, you are always strong, be glad that you made it this far..... none of any typical guys can have the endurance you have for the girl..... you are not poor in heart, you are not in your mind, you are not poor in money.understood that jack? yes master.... so how do i kill my heart for that girl? jack do what you have to do,no killing revenge and pay back.... yes master i wont as you know..... good jack cry if you have to for now after few days you will be a totally new guy.... :) yes master :)

200512 0809Hrs

got chase out by bb.... this is the second time. thing i wont do to you. but you do it to hurt me. after hurting me convince i am in the wrong i have to say sorry.... what a joke.... since you so perfect go ahead and look for your perfect one..... this time i will not look back.. i walk back alone heart broken and disappointed, walk alone in a no man street. this is what i get from the gil i love with my full heart. condemn me like this.... you are god? this is how you judge feel and decide... good for you... i will not curse you, one day when you have your heart eaten out... you don regret what you have done to hurt someone that love you with everything. 200512 is the worst i ever had in a while.... Got chase out from bb house... every single time i have to give in.... i am tired of this shit....

130512 2031Hrs

the tremendous pressure i have is none can understand..... i love her so much yet. she is so unstable.... never care enough for me... sigh....... GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

160412 0947Hrs

yesterday bb and i have a great time :) bb say sorry to me.... being cruel to me but i still love her so much she is touch :)

yay BB i love you :)

we work hard together so no need to say sorry anymore :)

090412 1052Hrs A Silence Love

a story i just saw....

a girl name peng... and her deaf and mute father ah kim.. every day morning Kim wake up early send peng to school, he send her by his motor bike. when alight Kim show some hand sign. Peng walk away... when during lunch time in school, a classmate of Peng wrote on a paper "daughter of a stupid deaf mute father" paste it on her back...
she got angry and fight... later that night... Kim was having diner with her. show some hand sign... Peng walk away... in peng she only wish that she can have a better father.... she got frustrated....

Peng came home late with her boyfriend sending her back... Kim angry show some hand sign... Peng run up to her room... that night was Peng birthday. Kim brought a cake.
he wrote a note. "peng i am not a perfect father, i am born mute and deaf i am very very very sorry.... but i am a father that love you with every single thing of me. without withhold" "Love from papa Kim"

suddenly a sound came out from Peng Room.. Kim run up and try opening the door, it was lock. Kim bash through it. found Peng cut her wrist... Kim rush her to hospital...

when the nurse and doctor rush her to the operating theater.... Kim show a lot hand sign... the doctor was very touch and stunned by Kim act....

The hang sign show to the doctor was... "PLEASE SAVE MY DAUGHTER I GIVE YOU MY HOUSE, MY NOODLE STORE, MY MOTOR BIKE, AND MY LIFE AS A SLAVE TO YOU JUST SAVE MY DAUGHTER PLEASE DOCTOR PLEASE I BEG YOU, YOU HAVE TO SAVE HER."

when the nurse say to the doctor Peng is losing a lot blood. Kim show hand sign.. " PLEASE TAKE MY BLOOD NOW!!!!!!!!! "

In the midst of transferring blood.. all things become clear... During Kim send Peng to school... "Study hard Peng, then you will have a good future"

during dinner " you must eat more peng, so you will grow taller and taller and grow up faster"

during Peng came home Late... "Peng i know you are angry with father, but watch your time. its late father is very worried about you."

Now peng is lying beside her father.... she move her hand to hold on to her father hand.... but just to see her father is lying there with his eyes close... Peng cried so hard.... and wish she never ever wish she wanted a better father....
and she realize she already have a very very very good father all along.... is just that she didnt notice it until things happened..

050412 1419Hrs

things have change.... somehow i know..... its a miracle that we are together.... pls don make it harder for me..... we are so good yet feeling a little far.... cang zai wo xin li, zhui hou yi ju qi shi hai ai ni.....

050412 1224Hrs

bb be happy la, what is so wrong that you must be like this? did i do something wrong again? just what is wrong?????? sigh.................................................................................................................................................

050412 1213Hrs

Be still..... jack you are being a fool for this...... why are you being such weakling.... you used to be smart, carefree, happy laugh about at almost everything, what have you become?.....

040412 1658Hrs

I really am curse..... feeling something i am not suppose to feel.... a restricted zone..... thought sometime i could use it to help people, when it comes to me.... it hurt coz i knew the person motive and what they wanna to. i did nothing to stop them....

yesterday it happened to my mother towards me... sigh sad but truth.... i know whats her intention. yet i cannot stop.... its a curse....

040412 1648Hrs

Being emotional honest is damn hard.....

040412 0023hrs

when you ask me a question, i answer, you are only giving two option that you ask.. and when my answer is different.... you seem not interested to hear... spoiling the whole day spoiling the mood.....

knowing you are tired you don talk much.... i always put myself in your position think for you and this is what i get?.... great.... are you tired to the extend that after 4 days of not seeing me you got nothing to say to me?....

but you have the strength to work??? this is totally what i cannot understand.... if this is you then get going.... missing you and longing to see you mean nothing to you...

i hope you know what you are doing.... it seems like you want thing your way to me... cant see the different? you are just been unreasonable sometime... most of the time you don even know or what you say have impact on me....

isnt that you want thing your way?????? is this the way you love me?....... i know after hearing this you will be uncomfortable.... imagine how i was feeling inside.....its worst....

270312 0128Hrs

Loving unconditionally is not easy, and not hard either.... it is do you really love? meaning is love in you? do you accept the person you love as a whole. Love never fail.... love forgive... love has no right or wrong....

LOVE is the most powerful thing that God give to us :)

after Saturday bb, today i know i going to meet you i feel very different my heart was like i cannot wait to see you.... it keep pumping :) fast :)

270312 0104Hrs

BB mood swing is so fast.... .... ...... .... what is so wrong? sigh.... nvm....

260312 1049Hrs

BB is giving me full heart lo :)YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111

haha i very happy coz i feel bb change :) ...... hug hug bb :)

230312 1916Hrs

Why I cannot surpress this feeling? Grrrr...... Guess tonight will be very hard me.....

...............1732hrs

love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love....... hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt..... if you read it out love and hurt together it become LOVER or Love Her....

very vex... cannot vent anywhere... sigh..... have to keep the pressure till next month..... hope and wish i wont blow off..... gr.... the most powerful explosion is not a nuclear strike. but its from a heart. when you are heart broken,..... NONE ON THIS EARTH HEAR YOU. only you hear it yourself and have to deal with it yourself.........

when i hurt you... i would do whatever it takes to make you feel better.... but guess this is how you can see how deep the love is.....

230312 1634Hrs

I want to hold you till my fear subsides..... can i? guess not coz i am smelly dirty guy.....

weird feeling???? :( ............ can i love you the way you are in jan??? can i hold you??? ...... why the time wont stop there? thats where i wanted to be..... but high level people cannot understand...... :( .......

230312 1622Hrs

Heavy heart.... sad.... mode = deteriorating.....
was happily waiting for weekend, now = mode = heavy heart...
Poor.... negative thinking...= mode = childish....
smoking.... cutting down lots = mode = doing it....
study... = mode = late.... = start...

130312 1600hrs

One day the boy proposed her. Then the girl said, “listen! your monthly salary is my daily hand expenses. Should I be involved with you? How could you thought that? I will never love you. So, forget me ‘n get engaged with someone else of your level.”

But somehow the boy could not forget her so easily.

10 years later.

One day they became face to face in a shopping center. The lady said, “Hey! you! How are you? Now I’m married. Do you know how much is my husband’s salary? Rs. 2 lac per month! Can you imagine? ‘n he is also very smart.”

The guy’s eyes got wet with tear by hearing those words.

After few minutes her husband came before the lady could say something to the guy, her husband started to say by seeing the guy.

“Sir! You here? Meet my wife.” Then he said to her wife, “I’m going to assist a project of sir, which is of Rs. 200 crore. ‘n do u know a fact? Sir loved a girl but he didn’t get her. That’s why still he is unmarried. How much lucky the girl was. Isn’t it? Now a days who can love like that way?”

Moral: Life is not so short. So, don’t be so proud of yourself and damn others. Situations change with time. Every one should respect others love.

230312 1339Hrs

It is just too hard..... really just too hard......

what should i do????

sigh................

230312 1322Hrs

I have finish configure 5 switch 24 port.... heh heh..... with 20 pc yes :) nothing to be proud there's still a lot more to come be prepare... :)

i get knock down, but i get up again, you'll never gonna keep me down.....

argh no game???? today friday WAH...................................................................................................................................

what the hell...... i brought ninja gaiden 3 but ps3 spoil WAH LAU EH.... argh,..,.,.,,.,.,.,.,., freaking angry..... i wanna go out play..... where are all my friend when i need one? &$#^$*(&^ never i will play AVP in my laptop :)

230312 1303hrs

It not offending bb you don realise its HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you are always too busy to say I Miss You
you are always too busy to say sayang u
you are always too busy to say hug you
you are always too busy to say LOVE YOU

today i want to say to you bb... i will take whatever you say.... cause my trial will be over.....but for how long i don know...... whatever happened.... i will take it as a man of sins... i hurt people and getting hurt is what i get also......

God pls help me to overcome this as i know you see my heart are true...
for now i will try not to ask her anything or want her say anything....
God just let her be herself.....

230312 1243Hrs

with u no money no petrol no cash card, all time want stay inside room.....
hurtful words..... shui bian wo?..... ok fine
i didnt get the fact? you assume everything your way....
what so wrong about me? poor? i am not poor in heart, i am not poor with the one i love....
not a sorry from you. still carry on your pride? go ahead......

if you love someone, put it in a circle rather than your heart, cause heart can be broken, but circle will not, it will keep going on and on....

230312 1118Hrs

Recently i study CCNA, i been practicing the command line for configuring switches... now i can easily do a basic configuring of switches.. i am happy... i think this is what i wanna do... sigh... why i didnt think of that earlier.... today i test myself...

i have 5 2950/24 port switch and each 6 pc connecting to each switch :)......
i have a feeling i am going to climb high. in the case i can go beyond what my PHD brother doing.... in 3 to 5 years time... GOD pls check my intention not wanting to show off... but to help in whatever way i can...

i really do know i will succeed.... not matter what comes in my face i will settle it with the power of GOD.... in me i know i can....

i think i should not expect anything from anyone now.... coz i feel the gravity pull in my heart.........

230312 1016Hrs

BB go to ikea with david... i happy she called me after that... but later when she reach home.... after doing all her stuff.... she whatsapp me good night muach muach...
coz i ask her if she is sleeping.... i thought we will call each other talk to each other before sleep.... well never mind.... just now in ym... bb say i have to ask or do something if i want something.... er.....

i got a powerful dream yesterday..... related to bb mom and poh poh.... i thought i wanted to tell bb... guess for now i keep it first...............................................................

my ps3 &$%$#%$# spoil argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have no where to vent my anger if im angry.... or stress or DL....thats my only revenue..... people will only see its a waste of time playing game, but thats my only entertainment.... BB go ikea why don ask me go? i know i don have ikea card... BB like discount..... but its a way to see each other and build our emotional parts right??? i ask bb when her flight back to medan.... friday afternoon... i wanted to send her but she say i working and office people can send her..... didnt you know i wanted to see you??? its ok.... coming back tuesday.. she say office people can pick her up and can straight to work.....

why it all keep getting worst..... am i thinking negatively??? this stupid trial......

190312 1334Hrs

Last friday, i brought bb to fly around singapore :) bb happy and bb scare haha... turbulence.... for the first time bb touch the cloud and fly in private plane... :) i also brought bb a necklace... i pass it to her in the plane :)

that day bb ask me if i want her to stay over at my place :)..... i am so happy yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! then sat we went to bugis to have her laptop lcd change and bb shopping haha :)

bb it is really great and i am happy that i open my eye first person is you...:) i know its not easy for you :) but i love it so much :) haha :) thanks bb :) bb also buy me a G shock. i love that watch :) hug bb :)

pray that everything go smoothly :) for this, by this year should be able to buy house :) i must save :) bb hold my hand and together we move on and fight for what it is for us :)

160312 0002Hrs

I am starting my CCNA yes....!!!!!! hahaha i am going to be famous.... i will earn lots and lots more for mine and bb future.... :)

150312 2329Hrs

bb say she little bit bore of the relationship.... feeling lost le.....

Bao Bei, Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance ... love will last forever (1 Corinthians 13:4–8a)

i post it once in your Face book.... I would dare say God is with us all along. he will give us strength and make a way for us :)

Love you so much Bao Bei

150312 1200hrs

bb and i was talking yesterday.... bb say will try to give full heart... :) yay!!!!! BB i wanna tell you this, is that no matter you can or not is not i want to see.... is i wanna let you know i love who you are.... so therefor i wish your full heart.... me too need change.... we do it together and we will make it... even if we fail bb.... we can always try again and again and again... :) as long as we don give up on each other :) love bb :)

140312 0113Hrs

bb wrote on my wall i brought special meaning to her life... :) during my birthday :) i miss that...

140312 0046hrs

bb and me argue again.....she know i want this relationship badly....she don want to hurt me.....

(if she have a better choice is she leaving?) i don know but if that happened.... i will have to take it hard.... and i will seal my heart never give away again...

shi wo dong le zhen qing wang bu liao ni... shi fu ni ren jiu yuan yi hui in zhuan yi...

love you bb :)

130312 2136Hrs

missing u is such a painful thing.... why do u have to doubt urself? i cannot understand....aren't we are that good? isnt us good enough?

bb pls let go the wall you build recently.... lets us love each other can we? like i say to you... bb i know you have given your heart to the wrong man before.... but with me i do not know how to sweet talk.... with me you should know that i have give you my full heart... i wish your full heart with me :) bb we stand together and fight ok?

we went to cole bar you say you love your weekend like this.... i love that too you know.... i never wanted to let you go.... bb pls release your defenses, and i assure you will never ever regret... but bb if you continue to built the wall..... i cannot do anything else.

bb be strong.... DL is always here.... don forget that.... but DL also need someone to show love.... bb show DL more love can?..... :)

120312 2303hrs

If my love is all i have to give.... will you still love me??...... many many thing happened.... only when you are with me i feel so comfortable and feel very bless..... i miss those night when i hug you sleep.... but for now it wont happened again.... i am very lost.... you didnt know this, when you are deep in your sleep i woke up and see you sleep so peacefully.... i love that so much... i feel coz i am beside you.. you feel very safe....

but somehow you let me have that feeling, i have become weaker.... but as a knight i am.... the alloy i wore is sturdy enough to protect you from any harm.... i guess the alloy i wear.... keep me safe from something....

whatever misfortune happened to me i don care and i don mind.... as long the first thing i open my eye i see you, everything vanish into the air..... but its not going to happened already.... :( helmet on... keep negative thoughts away.... thats the best i can do....

120312 2243hrs

Even when i wanted to sms you, i also afraid that you busy don want to disturb you... i will keep waiting...... holding your hand is one of the greatest thing i ever had.... :) but the pain of missing you is what i cannot take..... now worst i cannot even go your house..... everyone on earth know we broke up. but though not officially.... i feel like i am living my life in the shadow... jian bu de guang.... :( maybe you don love me that deep yet... but i will hold on..... seeing things like this.... i don know how long more i could take..... alvin, god mom nancy, my friend char, miriam, been praying for us bb :) for our relationship :) i bound our love with jesus :) i wont let go.... but recently my grip been loosing power..... no don let it happen.....

if you can remember, i told you my strength comes love, any type of love. from you, God, friends.... recently i don know who i can talk to anymore...... i am losing that grip.... i don want it to happen....

120312 2237hrs

if you ever love someone so deep.... if you ever miss someone till it hurt...... if you ever....... where are all my friend when i need them? guess i will be alone.... i don want to go back to my old friend..... i am sadden :( what the hell.... confuse...

120312 2225hrs

after so many conversation.... bb still don understand... :( i wont remind you le.... seem like u are always busy and only till the time you left before sleep then have time for me..... sigh.... i will not be having lots time bb..... carry on your busyness ba.... if everything goes smoothly i will start my course next week le...

the feeling of missing someone is so painful..... i will try to cut down that..... didnt we say even busy try saying things like missing each other? guess it wont happened.... i will hide it away.... bb....

next week i will be starting my course lo... i am scare coz i lost something but .... the test is two on one paper... i am worry.... now even worst.... God pls give me strength.... :(...
i will try to make it.... God pls renew me :)

110312 2223Hrs

bao bei suddenly say forget about whatever she say about the expectation..... i don know why..... but something amiss...

Bao bei.... i can only say you really do not understand the suffering of me missing you..... but i guess if i go through this trial, you will be protected...

every moment i think and miss you... wanting you to say you miss me.... it is so very hard for that..... slowly i am trying to take it and swallow it down my throat... in my heart i was crying most of the time.... coz i wanted to hear from you without asking you.... :(

090312 1253Hrs

i helping bao bei to repair laptop hahah.... i surely know whats up with that :)... thanks

090312 0027Hrs

A million words cannot express my feeling towards you bao bei..... wo ai ni shi zhen xin zhen yi. i know why you say that cause you feel hurt when i am not myself.... or because you don wanna hear i always say that i give in this and that..... Bao bei stop smoking is what i have promise you..... i know i fail but in the God name i will succeed... i cannot let you see instant result but i know you can feel my purest heart to you....

i love my birthday this year the happiest BD ever in my life :)... bao bei remember on jan 27 i was very sick and was in your house? you took care of me and i feel that love you have.... and during the second time i was sick you say sorry because you cannot take care of me like you did last time...

in my heart i wish i could stop the time on 27 jan 2012 i want to be sick like this so i can lay in your arms feel all your love :) then you say i mad who wish to be sick.. na ge feng kuang de ren shi wo.... i wanna hug you foever in my arm till my last breath.... bao bei wo ai ni..... :)

080312 1550Hrs

Why after every effort I do still feel like not enough? I just want her to be happy but she everytime Don feel what i am doing for her? It's ok jack..... Do whatever u can do.... Like Jesus a lot ppl don know him but he die for us even ppl he don know too. So jack if god love u so much willing to give his only son. Who r u that because u just hurt and give up? Didn't Jesus suffer more than u? Didn't he is as a human got torture? But he choose to die for us... God love is so great. Didn't u say u slowly understand what love is? Didn't u say love is unconditional like god? So why are u feel hurt? U should be glad that god is in u. Suffering is nothing and at the end of days u wi be reward ....

Thank u lord :)

060312 2337hrs

i cannot understand till now why the face book thingy...... as i say i will take it.... but why i still feel pain..... sigh...

060312 2337hrs

sigh... didnt we say must sensitive towards each other?.. u were too busy watching your drama... no kiss no good night... sigh... whatever you want..........

060312 1905Hrs

i don know why .... i feel very heavy and very unstable... i wish i could hold you in my arm forever.... never wanna let you go... but you choose still to go with what you think it is...
it pain me bb..... really pain me.... when i needed you the most i have to suppress the feeling.... it is so painful and i cannot tell you just why....

i really really love you to a extend i have never in my life i give before..... with that i feel i still could not touch your heart.... ru guo you yi tian, ni fa xian le wo de xin.... ni hai hui jian ci ni de xiang fa ma? wo hui fo de dao ni de zhen xin ma?.....

i have set you in my life, i got no intention to let you out, but bb don let me think otherwise... pls know this, u say u will learn to understand me... but i guess you fall back on that....

050312 1008Hrs

Whatever it is..... if this is what you want... believe me you have not gone through the worst yet.... that pain will change you.... and when you realise..... u will have a very hard time accepting it. by then you will know why.....

i am so badly wounded..... you don know coz in you there are the old me.... we were so good remember? out of the sudden you change..... our stand is never even fought.... it was given up in the begining..... but you have a new stand..... i have to swallow it.... if not i will face the end like what you decide.... did i force you? or did i make you do the thing you never like?..... maybe you don know this yet but, i am a knight... i have a sword and shield and armor..... from the past i have my sword and shield broken.... all left with my armor...

and with you i protect you with every bit of my life and my armor.... with my bare fist.... and all i have... that armor have been break by you which you don know...... i have said before... if this armor break.... trust me i wont even survive.... why do you have to kill me like this? now the armor is crack and i have been fixing it.... in my heart i never wanted for it to be crack or break.... i love you really much and deep.... remember i empower that right to you? in hope you wont hurt me.... but in fact you did it.... on 1st march.... u really don know how much i was hurt...

do you understand my hurt.... where it came from and how it can be worst? somehow i feel you understand.... but you still go on with your principle and your way of doing..... mine was never even consider....

030312 0241Hrs

bb yesterday we argue a lot... its about the cruel fact i have to give in and take if not i face a break up.... few days after i say sorry to my ex after hurting her for so many years... she told me something very very very shocking...

she pray to God a prayer.... and that prayer was i will go through her pain faster and change me to a better person..... i accepted that as a man of sin.... thanks from the bottom of my heart i really say thank you...

bb we are at pungol.... we argue again... i am very sadden... i know you will be angry... remember i said to you whatever i do i did that to protect you.... i really mean it... i don want you to suffer like i did... too into something i thought i grown up and taught with... bb hear this.. i will never ever want you to suffer.... as i am now.... i suffer not because of you or your expectation... but god is clearly telling you something... and making me through this trial.... and there's one more trial i will have to go through.... i am so afraid of that trial...

My lord i know it unfair for me asking you of this but let not that trial come true.... it will really kill me and i will not be able to stand.. as i remember i pray to you this for my bb wei xin. if any misfortune thing where to happened on wei xin.... let it be me... amen... for as in now i understood, most thing... but my lord pls don let that horrible trial happen to me. pls my lord i repent to you now....amen...

270212 1141Hrs

i sad.... happy... mixed up feeling.... why.... i have this feeling... what my EX felt last time.... if this is real and thats what im getting... mean there is a worst trial i have to face.... i really dont know if i have the strength to face it....... pls my lord its your will, i will face it.... but pls heal me.... at the end....

070212 19558hrs

no meaning to bd........ no new start..... falling back....... ............. see if reaching limit.......

070212 1955hrs

............. here goes...... bd..... without......something..... nothing is something when nothing is mention...... asking obvious thing is so heart breaking and didnt even realise........ ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

0239hrs 310112

Wanting to hear someone to say I love u is so Fucking damn difficult......
It hurt like Fucking shit....

Fine ..... Do it ur way I have none to say.....

300112 0138hrs

bb and dl have been through going to be 3 month. yay!!!! but things happened also. i understand i am constructing myself to a different person like God command.

bb say must be sensitive towards each other, but just now things happen. sigh....

301111 0047hrs

grr.......... why is this happening?.................

231111 2059hrs

because you never knew that cut that was so deep in me....... drastically change my inner self..... i told alvin just now.... i hate this change..... i feel so weak .... i am weaken further when bb cannot understand it....

bb pls do not destroy what i am right now.... coz i am once a very bad person but still with those value i mention to u..... i don wanna go back there sorry if i ever hurt u like that.... if thats a really big thing for u and u really cannot accept.... be it i really cannot do anything..... pls don give me the feeling i am at anyone mercy...

Because I am at only god mercy none else.... my lord command me to love my enemy..... lord forgive me for i am so weak i find it very hard to love them if they HURT my love one.....

bb there are so many thing in me you find really hard to accept.... bb not every one is perfect like i say before.... but i know you are capable of seeing others condition is much more better than me.... i not in anyway want u to leave....  just feel the pain u have..... this feeling is in me all the time....losing u is a very painful thing for me... i hope ever that day come..... PLS do let me know gently......

i will step down.....

231111 2053

bao bei and i are an item yay!!!!   but yesterday she is very unhappy.... sigh..... what can i do?
was it a death sentence? i don know....

i look around does not mean i am not listening. did i ever get angry over something you did? even if i don like it? you did that... but i did not lose my cool... coz i know that is you....

i will back off for now......

111111 1615hrs

bao bei fei chang dui bu qi.......

101111 1751hrs..

My LORD in heaven pls hear me..... pls bless my bao bei, and give her everything the best in the name of my LORD king jesus AMEN..

101111 1557hrs

yesterday in ym, bao bei say she still got feeling for that guy.... i sad sad ....... i don know..... but one thing i do know is i really like bao bei.....
in the ktv we hug 2 time..... first is when the song i don wanna miss a thing. i hug bao bei while trying to sing haha.... in the corner of my eye... i could see bao bei glancing at me haha... we talk about our relationship.... bao bei was quiet... i know something.... i feel it.... i really thank God for giving me this power to feel people... but this time i feel like it is also a curse.... bao bei heart is not with me..... my heart was crying actually.....

second time the song play ah qin qishi hai ai ni.... i officially ask bao bei to be my girlfriend.... but bao bei..........  my heart cry the second time..... i know its very hard on her now...... bao bei say we got many differences..... i know that.... i also scare to hurt bao bei..... i cannot step in or out..... i feel pain........

last night when bao bei say when kissig me she did not replace him as me.... i actually knew that was from the heart..... i very happy because bao bei actually said it :)

i told bao bei, i will retreat.... coz i don want bao bei to be difficult on this.... i told her she need to clear the cloud without me.... as it wont affect her decision..... one thing i know is that bao bei door are still open..... i also have the fear.... if that guy suddenly do everything what bao bei ask.....  somehow bao bei will consider....  love is always selfish.... he understood bao bei very well, for i don know yet... for that bao bei will go back.... i understand somehow you like me too bao bei. but like you say we have many differences
i am afraid i cannot keep up....even if i can keep up but for how long??? i am afraid of myself.... the more i see you the more i falling for you....

today we eat breakfast heh heh first time from a long long time... bao bei mind wonder around.... i see in her eyes....

091111 2008hrs

Yesterday i and bao bei went to hougang plaza ktv haha..... i sing some songs for my bao bei :) she kiss me :)....... i am happy....... before that we went to lavendar food court eat...

she give me lian ou to eat which in my life i never tasted before..... though i don like, i still eat ..... when i wanted to cut into little pieces to eat, she don let haha.... but stil i cut heh heh...

after the ktv, i went to her house to get my shirt :).... we hug hug heh heh..... i am happy..... i wear the new shirt i happy :)  ............ thanks bao bei :).......

my heart for you grew day by day...... :) i wish to my LORD.... give me the strength to hang in there..... bao bei be sure i will be here as you need me.... :) i know what that guy do..... i wanted to teach him a lesson.... but just now in ym. you say you cannot erase the memory like this.... i understand..... i withdraw what i say.... sorry if you feel pressure........

081111 0204hrs

bao bei sometime i really think if you would miss me? :) ...... i really miss you so much :)......

bao bei this is for you :)......

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

071111 2222hrs

bao bei is on her way back le :) i am happy..... she buy shirt for me :) heh heh... hug hug you :)

somehow today i cannot feel her :( why?...... somehow i feel her :).... why?.....

strange feeling :(  why?......

051111 0019hrs

bao bei must be in her dream land le haha..... sweet dream bao bei.... your knight is watching over you :) no one can harm you de..... :) 

041111 2349hrs

tomorrow you will be going to KL... enjoy your trip :) i wanted to see you so much today.... but i scare you very tired.... :) i have missed you so much..... i don know anymore if i can hang in there.... :) but its ok ......:) as long you are comfortable i am happy :)

Today i in the cell group but my comrade alvin not here... he at oversea working... i pray for him and his girl
en qi just now.... :) ..

I miss you  so terribly much....... :(  i cannot concentrate...... :( sigh.............  i understand you want bread over love.... i know how you been through....  but if i only got a pure heart for you?? will you accept me??? do you know when you say about what your requirement is, and about you like low temper person, and you say you know early stage about us le.... i am very sad..... i know i am so weak on that part. that moment... i was like cannot say further le.....

everytime i hug you..... i feel my soul is renew :) i feel like 95% of myself came back :) right after i send you home.... i become like 50% of myself.... today i think i am only 25% of myself.... sorry :(

now i think i even less for i know i cannot see you for the next 3 days.......  what can i do??? 

wise man say..... only fool rush in.... but i cant help falling in love with you.......
shall i stay?? would it be a sin??? but i cant help falling in love with you....
take my hand... take my whole life too... but i cant help falling in love with you....

when i see you thats where my heart is.... :) i like it when i say something, you look at me and listen :) when i return your look... i know you are thinking though not accepting everything. and you stood your ground :)

041111 1817hrs

Yesterday i go with her labrador park :) i am happy..... deep in my heart i really so happy :) i never feel as such for a very long time..... :) same time i feel her still holding on.... i know what's your concern.....

Erm..... i will be here ok?... even in future we may or may not be together..... wo zhi dao ni hui hen hao de.... i am really afraid of failing you.... ke shi, yi ci you yi ci wo men jian mian, wo jiu yi ci you yi ci de xian de shen yi dian.... wo hao pa wo bu neng chu lai.... Wo shi zhen de xi huan ni :) you pa dao bu liao ni de jin jie...... thank you for yesterday dinner... i see you wash cloth, cook, wash dish.... hey i really like that.... i want to wash it together with you :)

each time we see each other, im always so excited :) i'm always looking forward to see you everytime..... i wonder do you feel the same? why do i have to come to know you so late????

bao bei, why not we become an item first and you can still look for the perfect one? will it be better for you?? i know its must be hard on you too.... but, i just want you to know that, if ever you found one, pls let me know ok??? :) don hide away from me ok? :)


i tell you something, in my eyes and in my heart, i really like the thing you do... your normal daily life i mean :) then again your standard is different :) i really don want to iron out my heart just yet..... i just want to feel you around :) i have been someone knight before..... but they don treasure it..... i really wish you can take this bond to a whole new level.... let me just be here.... :) being around with you is actually the happiest moment of my day..... i know i'm being greedy i want it everyday.....

even it cant be everyday..... i'm still happy if we keep in contact :) i am really happy when you say want me to meet your mother :) really i am happy :) i have lost my sword and shield due to the past. what i left is only my knight's armor..... if i ever lost you, i know i have lost all my knight property... then i would have lost all thing in me.... never will i take up my knight armor, sword , and shield.....

sorry for being sound so weak..... just trying to express myself best as i can.... its been a little tough for me to keep up with you.... coz you are just so unique..... all i ever wanted is you to be happy and all....

031111 1600hrs

i was chatting with her in YM. :) i happy, she busy but still try talk to me :)... i feel heavy coz she got hard time thinking??? how to make her happy??/  i guess i have to step down a little don pressure her...

its like what i wrote in the letter, things i can give don mean the thing she want... she like someone low temper, i think i die there liao.... dui bu qi :(  i have try hard to control.... but in the eyes of people its always never enough.... sorry people i never ever meant any harm... 

dilemma eh.....  i know one way can solve her problem..... but its hard to make that move..... i'm caught in between too.... i wanted the best for her :) i don want to see her suffer... i know she is a very strong women.... i still know of another way, but, that will make me a very bad person..... well if that make her more confirm of what she wanted to decide..... i don mind becoming the bad guy ........

ni hui hen hao de....  yin wei, zai ni de sheng ming li, you ge nan ren yuan yi wei ni fu chu. sometime in my life i sometime stop and wonder, why i cannot be this or that..... and at some point in life i realize i am born to entertain people around me.... but never really happy myself.....?????? confuse......

deddy and i have the same thinking... but i understand from certain part in him, is more reality. for me is like dream dream dream.... i needed someone to be detail to lead me..... coz i can thinking far and really big. just don know how i should put it in use....

I NO NEED SOMEONE TO COMPLETE ME..... I NEED SOMEONE TO ACCEPT ME COMPLETELY.... 

011111 0230hrs....

when you hug me, your head on my chest. i feel you..... i know you were crying.... i feel very sad.... but i cannot cry.... i don know why......  i am very sorry that your relative have become like this..... i wanna wish to the LORD to ease your pain....  believe the LORD have the power to everything.... i love hugging you.... i can feel you feel very safe when you hug me......

i do understand, what you have become today...... i understand the situation you been through to what you have become today.... i cannot blame you... i cant blame you..... i am too much into you...... sorry.... i really cant help falling for you....

I have been very loyal to my instructor though he had been jail for thing he committed. for me, he is a father figure to me. i use to say i will uphold my knightly vow.... when i am with you, i really feel that vow comes back to me. words just cannot express my feeling....

The moment, i step down the bed... watching you sleeping, i couldn't sleep though sleepy.... i really feel if i ever go you will be left behind.... i wanted to see you everyday..... touch you feel you hug you......

somehow i know you are confuse..... i wouldn't dare to overstep my boundary.... i am so scare to lose you as my friend..... but, if i continue treating you as a friend. you will be gone one day. If i overstep my boundary, i am scare, i will lose you forever..... i am hurt.....

But for a knight, i will die with no regret. protecting my love one, comrade, my LORD, the defenseless, animal..... i can be very tough even without training..... coz my mind keep pushing my WILL limit....

None in this world will ever know me anymore..... coz the mask i wear on, is to give not take.... for i am the steel in-front of you.... none shall ever hurt you..... for my life is to give....never selfish.... i really have nothing.... but the purest heart i have for you......

I don know if ever a force so great.... to even break me down.... that force must have come from you..... if ever that day come.... pls forgive me...hug me tight one last time before you let go your hand on me......

021111 1613hrs

if you think you love a person.... truth is you just love the person idea.... loving with everything in you. is to empower the other person the right to do damage to you..... if you ever know my heart, pls try not to kill it. coz its just so weak.... it cannot be hurt anymore..... i really am interested in you.... if you don have any slight feeling for me.... pls don lead on.... coz its very painful....

021111 0944hrs

i think she knows..... but somehow i don know if she know or not..... i somehow is able to keep this up.... just don know how it goes anymore..... i don wanna let it go, but, each time prove otherwise...

am i not worthy??? i think i will slow down for a while.... in her heart there's someone else, what to do.... i should bless her.... God will have a way in this.....  what i can do is very limited.... she said before not to pressure her, in fact i have a little.....

its ok, i will have to move on..... i know it hurt but what to do?? life is full of unexpected.... just when i think i fall into it. but to realise its too early..... i don know anymore.   i wanna be alone for awhile.....

i saw it some where about a sentence people wrote. its "True love is what you want the person to be good,  not about wanting the person" sigh i cannot understand.....somehow a little bit..

WILL of steel.

on 17 oct 2011, night time. i was drunk once in my whole entire life.... i used to challeng myself and friend, saying i wont be drunk even i don drink, somehow i was drunk that night crying my heart out.... jackson and Ian was with me. i feel very dizzy, clearly i was very clear in my mind though drunk.

i push myself to the limit that how far i go..... true enough, i was awake shortly within one hour of pushing my WILL.... i ask them to question me a lots thing. so i answer according in my current state.. though dizzy heavy in mind. i am able to complete the task i give myself. i remember every single thing i have said that night...

friday night 28 oct 2011, i was out with alvin dinner... i told him that. he was telling me. wo dui bu qi zi ji.. i let down my inner self pushing myself how far i can go..... i was awake by his word... God sorry for all i was trying by myself did not let you come in that night...

i know i will get hurt again, but, i wont live to regret my life.... giving my all to a person a just knew merely in weeks, in human context thats stupidity. but, i know i wont live to regret... i wanted to love her increasingly, somehow when she is gone. in my heart i really miss her. somehow i would say, i really starting to treat her like my own....

 nobody in my family seem to understand how i feel. they will always take my elder brother words. but not me, i am not in the position talking making decision. i cannot influence them.

if you see this post, and the lady by the name starting with "SYLVIA" is the one i am mentioning. i want you to live better than anyone else i have come to know. i will pray to God take away all the danger you may encounter in fututre. i will take it from you... let all good things happen to you... :)

How to know i in love?

i feel for this girl.... but, i really don know how i should say? i like how the way she react. her reaction. the way she think, but i don know if thats what i looking for in a women...

i just feel sad..... why??? why the ^%$# i cannot get the hell out of my mental state.. its coming to 3 month after the break up. am i too soon falling in love again? or am i just not ready.... i am really confuse... what to do??.....

she seem too warm yet still cold towards me....i really don know.... why am i so weak in my mental now??? why do i still feel sad??? guess the break up have tremendous effect on me.... i am not the person i used to be... fast on thinking good analyzing..... all these point is like gone.... yet sometime it become very powerful..... what is happening to me???  i was being reject in 1997. the one i love so much.... i was thinking of her sometime..... rejecting is a very powerful negative forces.... i really want to be the person i used to be..... how can i become a better yet upgraded version of myself??

i really given my all... till nothing i have to give.... why do you still deny me.. do you know that really hurt?

comrade jackson

today i came to know that my comrade jackson in love liao :) good my brother. i will be praying that this relationship will be the best one for you :)

Its painful...

Deep in my heart..... i wish i love you again..... but on my heart its never the same you again.... after the fall... i am so tired and weak to stand up again..... i thought i fall in love, but alway a wrong person...

if i think it in a good way, its God planning is to come for me. but if its bad, i cant never love a person again. why does it have to happened like this???? oh well...... i say i never want to give my true heart away anymore... but each time i fail to do it.... why am i so weak? ....

211011 1641HRS

if tomorrow is the end of world, and you have just broken someone heart and found a new love. will you be with your ex or the new love????  and if your ex is willing to die for you but you reject. If your new love don even love you to the extend you expect for..... will you be heart broken as well?  for i am weak i cannot understand.... i wanted to be in love again but not now. i feel a little unstable yet......

If i fall in love again, that will be my last......

loving someone...

One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, loving someone else

hurt bad...

:( :( :( :( :(

why???     am i????????  worthless???????     thank you for eveything and everything.........

i realise i cannot love anymore...... really....... am i to go for my calling...... ?????    i am so not ready......../????   i am becoming a shadow of my former self....... i miss you miss you miss you miss you.......

I really have give everything............ why????...............????.........  you left.........????? i wont love anyone anymore........ not because i lost you......... because i have lost MYSELF....... so much........ so much i cannot take it very very very very very very very very very very very very very very deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep down in my heart.............  i wish i can be taken away ok ???????......... why stilllllllll painful??????????? ................ pain pain pain pain pain pain.......... loving a person that you not suppose to love........ i cannot control........ i am very stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid.................

God give me wisdom.... pls why am i so fucking stupid?????? aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

you have already decided to be with who in the start... why lead me on??????

爱？？？

为什么会爱到那么的辛苦。。。？？？？？？？ 我会练习戴上面具。。。 不再为谁付出真心。。。。

我动了情

我没想到我居然动了心。。。。

061011 1640hrs

I am sick for few days already freaking sick..... fever flu cough..... sigh............ why ?????

i have not see a doctor yet. i wanna hold on till really cannot take it then go see doc...

sick plus heart ache really pain in the ass....

.....................

How can after 7 years of relationship, you can fall in love with someone within week? and says its only after our breakup????



how do you want me to believe this? thats too fast. it only mean one thing... you don love me anymore from years ago. stop telling the world that because my temper and my weakness cos you to do this...


obviously you have all this planned and all. using my weakness to make you feel better for leaving me for another man. you are like all the other person.

love????

I love you till i cannot be myself anymore.but someone deny that love.................. how hurtful.................

I have to say something so nasty just to complete what you have started. (break up)

if you got any idea it hurt like fuck....... like till no tomorrow...... you should be proud that i reject girls for you not because i cant get them. coz for YOU.......

3rd party is so fucked......... kelvin ng... be sure god never let me see you......

????

why have it come to this? Oh god give me a reason i'm down on bended knee.............

what have you become?

you been nice and all but very unforgiving.... say you forgive in the end you keep in your heart. when in arguement you bring out all the past. is this the way you forgive?

when god forgive people and he say i can forgive you but cannot forget what you did. then what will you think? forgive is everything. but you just don wanna to talk... i send the sms just to kill your heart. coz i want you to be even more confirm that our relationship is over.

come to think to it. all our issue can be overcome. but you bait out, that not it, you simply break up out of your emotion stress and mess up. don even know what you wanted in this relationship. today if you are me, and your temper and your stress. i for sure will tell you, you have already kill yourself.... think im joking?

when you say you did it on purpose, why is it you come to this point without even talking to me. you always assume thats the way which in fact, its not. keeping silent is not good and wanting me to sense what you have in your mind its total unacceptable. i am no GOD.....

you say i say cruel things to you. so what are the cruel thing? you believe it or not i did not meant to hurt you. but you keep saying i am hurting you.... now how you want me to say????  the way you break up its total freaking heart breaking for me. 3 weeks you have a new guy.... stop telling me that you have feeling for him after our break up. coz thats totally a LIE.... why since you have known him for years plus, if you have not taken interest in him, how is it possible to develop feeling so fast? i really cannot understand.

don say i love myself more than you. coz you really don know. if i am willing to sacrifice my life for you. it mean you are so important to me. you deny that when you know the truth. it hurt me even more when you say now nothing happened so you don need my protection. everyone have weakness. don always look at the weakness. you say i mind your facial paraylsis? how so???? you say i never help much in your operation? how you want me to help??? 

you feel insecure with me, when i ask you what am i suppose to do to make you feel secure? you say you don know.... all this are because your are mess up emotionall, which can be settle after a cool period but, you choose to leave.

lets say if we are married, and this happened are you going to divorce? or try to salvage the love we once hold so dear to? that day you yourself know i am trying to save our relationship. you freaking knew it but you just step on it. pressing my heart on the ground then stepping on it with great force..

worst part is that you know i have improvment but not good enough for you????  since you already know i have change but why did you have to put this onto me?  i saw our past years SMS, you were saying "i dunna break up, mei mei and missy saying sorry to bee bee and wang wang" now tellin you cannot accept me after 7 years you fail trying to change me?

i never ever try to change you in any fact. but in fact there's one thing about you really need to change. thats your mentality. you are so narrow minded. you just simply cannot open up your mind to think otherwise. all these years when you want thing your ways have i ever abuse you to that extend? yes i may be angry for a while but after that i will be good wont i?

and why i angry? is still all the pressure around me you my family.... but you only will understand fom your point of view why it only must be you... you just cannot stand on my point. today if your mother is the one having problem with me. all thing are the same how would you feel and handle that?  are you able to give me a perfect answer? don you think you will have that anger in you too? and where there's no other option for you the ventilate your emotion, where can you go???

so what happened to you when i can tell you infront of your face "i don give a fuck o your mother anymore" doesn't it will hurt the one you love and you? have you ever think in this point? if you have give me a better choice. 7 years of relationship ended the way it shouldn't have....
sex life... in the start did i told you about i really have high sex drive.... we use to have 3 to 4 time a week. but recent years, we start to have once a week. in this area you always say i freak horny and want you to blow me when im playing game or when you are tired. this are not that hurting thing to do. did i not ask yu if you are tired???? and your thinking is "if i don blow you i will get angry" hey you are simply trying to make things worst.

whatever it is, i know there's no hope anymore in regard of our relationship.... just wanted you to know, you are always using things i hurt you in the past to hurt me back without knowing it yourself. kenix diane..... and all. after your operation, you regain your confidence. what you lack once you are ready to full force all out to get it. and forgotten our happy time together. the missing you part all have gone. i know i have said hurtful thing to you. but during heat arguement who don say hurtful thing? and all in all we don meant those hurtful words. but you take it so hard on yourself.

my love, both of us is in adult love not puppy love. if all thing problem above i mention was not settle, and what do you think will happened in our marriage life, it could have been worst.