Thursday, 23 March 2017

230317 1150Hrs

是我太顾虑你的感受,方才痛了自己。爱我的人,会为了我付出。在事情上会站在我这里。
你呢?。。。。 给我的感觉就是你的心都很可能不在我这了。 碰到问题 就要解决。不是逃避。


你的压力是在,钱,时间,身子累,儿子和家人。


我的压力, 是艰辛无比的精神压力。我面对的是人心莫测的压力。 上帝给了我个好礼。但,是福是祸我拿捏不准。明明知道此人心怀不愧,我却不可以阻止,我还必须看下去。你知不知那对我是有多残忍? 当那个此人是我的至亲的时候。 我能怎么办? 你是否了解?你是否明白?那种万般无奈的心痛?所以我说这个点上,你不了解我。。。。
如果你是我也有我的感受,我肯定会非常了解并心疼你。


说到我姐,你觉得是小事。你知不知道她的一切行为都很故意吗? 你也受过她的气。你怎么就这么不明白? 而她跟我的事,让你有了压力。 想问你的是,我们的感情就这么弱吗?


这次你又说出那等言语,我真有点不能接受。看来,我对你的好,已经宠你惯了。你不珍惜了。








Thursday, 16 February 2017

160217 1416hrs

爱何物,何证爱,爱否,不爱否,无法证之。

爱痕迹,实无证,爱之证, 只心觉。


Friday, 12 August 2016

120816 1540hrs

从什么都没有到有, 一切的一切也只不过一场戏罢了。 人生没几回,过程中从满着,爱,恨,情,仇。

并非是我不懂人情世故, 而是稀少的人懂我。 有时我怨恨, 气愤,不满,伤己。 不是对人而是对己。 世人不懂我,我认,我受。 但你为何也如此?

我只想在这花花世界留下我的足影, 想让世人知道,我没被花花世界所影响。 我还是我。你就这么的看不到吗?

大丈夫要有当但, 我错了吗? 为了别人好, 人却把我当坏人。。。 此意乃真心,就你不懂我。

承受着压力的我, 你们懂吗?多少回,我真的受不住了。天下可有人知吗? 在我背后的压力,重得我四肢无力之, 可否有人申出援手呢? 都没有。。。。

我扛得好生痛楚, 我也没有怨言。



Thursday, 14 July 2016

140716 1445hrs

I am writing this with very heavy heart. Ong Hock Long is a very close brother of mine during active days in army. i've lost contact with him ever since. little do i know the boatman of the boat catching fire was him.....

We have so many great memories together. there's a time when my company people going out for training, it left me, ah long (hock long) and tony. we went into the mess and then smoke la eat la play game ETC....

To think of 13 years later he is death..... i don know how to express that gravity pull in my heart now. Ah long, we have still so many thing left unsaid, i was hoping for the day we meet again so we can talk about everything on earth.

You left without a word.......

God  take care of my brother in arm. I commit my brother Ong Hock Long unto your hand.

Take care and send your blessing to his family member, as the pain of losing a son is unbearable. Dear heavenly father, my lord, my king, there's nothing i could do right now. You are the only one that is in control of everything.

I ask this in the name of my Lord Jesus, Amen.

Thursday, 28 January 2016

280116 1600hrs

As i am writing this, the stress i am facing is damn real. and its damn stressful. look i love animal ok, but this is getting out of hand. i am damn fucking tired of what people always injecting themselves to my life and wanna take point on it. look first i have a brain..... you got it?

I am not those people that, if out of no choice i will give in. Please do not underestimate me in such manner. For i am who i am, its either you accept me completely or you fuck off from my life.

My blind loyalty finally kill me to a extend i am changing myself to another person. i do not like this. Loyalty is in my blood.... how can i just leave them to die like this. am i too soft? For sure right now i am too tired mentally. after 37 years first time in my life i felt like this. Inside me i am scared..... But not a single soul right now can understand it.

Please cut my some slack, don keep pushing your luck!!! Because i know myself. i am a damn nasty demon you will ever come across when i am pushed to my limit. I can feel it and its reaching. Deep in me i have long buried this demon, and i have no intention to let him out. This inner demon of mine is something you will fear, and worried of. So puny human i urge you do not test my patient any longer, for you don have what it takes to stop it.

Forgive me my lord, for i am weak and i need you. only you are able to help me.....

To hell to my past, i am a new person. The old have past and i am new. No fucking one claim my life, Except for GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD my life belong to you, use it as you wish!!!! in the name of Jesus i pray to you Amen!!



Monday, 9 November 2015

091115 1549hrs

I am damn fucking happy!!!! i have a new cat name heero! on last friday 061115 he arrived my place around 2030Hrs. Then we proceed to some photo taking !!!! very cute little animal God have created!!! I love you God.

Now he is here, ah chang ashes is still placed beside my bed. The first night i cried because i really felt i didnt give ah chang a good life. Then my dear sayang me. i felt so hopeless when i cannot help or saved ah chang. The reason i  play rc helicopter is coz i make a promise to ah chang i will carry on. now i am actually selling most of my heli. hopefully, all will be good.


Friday, 4 September 2015

040915 1105Hrs

Im am sadden by the fact of my country upcoming election. Freaking damn stupid opposition. Don lie to me right at my face!!! remember!!!! you are lucky because LKY and his A-team build singapore!!!! you don fuck with that!!!! you are nothing!!!! you think you are able to rule and become singapore gov? let me tell you, you are nothing but a stupid over grown lizard!!!! you think is easy to lead?? you think is easy to promise?

Opposition, please wake up your fucking stupid idea. what kind or type of changes you guys want? tell me!!!! stupid fool you cannot even know what changes you guys wanted and keep talking about change? what? foreigner taking your job? ok then, you go wash toilet, you go clean the table, you go become construction worker. do you want that? if not you fucking shut the fuck up!!!

Singaporean, i wont beg you guys to vote for who and who, i just don wanna to see my country in chaos. don fuck with what our fore father have work out and build.

Opposition!!! do you really think you have what it takes to be gov? then i suggest you find a piece of land and then declare independent. see if you can make it.. don take what others have already build then you wanna snatch away!!!!!. stupid

Lastly, opposition, you don have what it takes to beat GOV.

Saturday, 4 July 2015

040715 1821hrs

I'm feeling so down. I don know what is it. Well, just felt betray? Or something else? I don't know.... I don't know what should I feel. Maybe how should I feel?

A week have passed, since me and my gf didn't talk to each other much. Well I guess that is it? My Canada friend visited singapore, but guess who he visited? My ex gf Josephine and family. Wow, just wow. Well maybe I didn't let it go? Or maybe I am jealous? I really don't know.

I didn't think too much of my gf and our problem. Coz I am tired and max out from this unstable relationship. I wouldn't want to have things like this happened. Any argument becomes a subject for her to compromise our relationship, break up.

It's so heart breating, I told her she left me with that feeling twice. Yet I don't know if she is even listening. I am just tired.
now that is the 3rd time now. I don't know if I can go on once again. God, I cry out to u, I need you. Help me.... Amen

Thursday, 25 June 2015

250615 1726hrs

well, many things happened. I'm getting a house finally. damn happy about it. yet the relationship is very unstable. look here, im not selfish like others say. but yet most of the time, when things happened you always wanted to bait out. so this time i let you choose no need to ask me i agree or not. i did try to change to a better person, but you on the other hand, is giving me the feeling of, Thats not good enough. i have to think like this or like that.

going thru all this wasnt easy, i didnt even say that you have no right. did i say i will copy the key to you? yet you choose to be thinking on the other way itself. what more can i say. i can tell you this, you are saying this for the 3rd time. and it really hurt me quite a bit.


To let you know, you never did understand me to a certain degree. what you know is that, i have to be understanding to how you felt and i have to deal with it. no matter what my condition is. That really turn me away sometime. Almost all women have problem with me and i don know why. perhap i really cannot get married again. coz i am so afraid of it after my first failed marriage. but, anyway, if this is my fate i will accept it, and move forward again.

Last but not least, if every single time we argue about things or something else, your reaction is saying maybe i should leave you alone. tell you honestly this sentences hurt fucking big time. the relationship will not be stable if this happen almost all the time.

if what you think that is the best idea of getting message across. then i have no say.


Saturday, 16 May 2015

160515 0325hrs

today one of my church friend talk to me, the way he talk I can feel that he is a practical person. I really hate what he said. Please come on, u should understand there's a limitation to what a person can do. Telling me I don care u have to get it done. Please u r a Fucking fool. Even the world smartest person also have things he don know, how can u say such unfair statement?

Fuck to you bro, really and when I'm trying to explain to u, u keep saying ur point and u don care about what I said. Then I won't give u face. When do u think I must listen to u and u not listening to me? Fuck you!!!!!!! 

Recently I'm so down emotionally yet no one is here for me. I really felt something is ending, sigh be it if I make a decision. FamilY all along not been supportive. Not matter what u do or did. You won't feel appreciated. I felt it is hurtful. I am damn happy that I gonna have a house. But.....

Human people, I don know how long I could take it before I snap.

My heart keep losing hope.... God please renew me. I couldn't just give up. Right now I am so extremely sad and down. But even my close and love ones didn't feel something is not right with me... 
Yet I'm always giving in to a certain extent.... How long will this last ?

Saturday, 28 February 2015

280215 1937hrs

无向,无心,何去矣。

误以,自忍,无其同。

疼哉,伤哉,何处放。

忍伤,承伤,悲哉也。

心善,心呼,被掩其。

人其误,本内累。

Saturday, 28 June 2014

280614 2018hrs

All seem well... Yet I sense something wrong.... God I have commited our relationship to u. In fact include all family member as well.  I knew I will turn out fine. ;)

Hope this time my armor and sword is stronger than before ;). The last have my armor and sword crush up. This time lets do it once more ;)

Love u God

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

250614 2311hrs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4DgESWtCus

250614 2308Hrs

Ah chang time have passed so fast..... do you know i so missed you.... I love you a lot...... I will work hard to have the chance to see you again :) I love you.... :)

250614 2300HRS

Alvin sms me!!!!!!!!!!! HAHA brother!!!! where the fuck you  been to? haha its been 2 and a half years.... i still hold on to our relationship brotherhood love comradeship. I love you brother. and from the day we become brother... though you are younger than me i always look up to you.... you are much wiser than i do.... now you are back.... fuck care the past lets gather and have a good talk again... lets do something for God.... Amen :)

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

240614 1759hrs

Boating and heli our hobby new memory registered...... Without u = not complete....

I am sadden further to know our boating photo gone..... .....................

240614 1714hrs

I make a costly mistake...... i didnt bring her to God, i only let her know about God.... :( sorry Lord.... Forgive me.....

240614 1616hrs


LUKE 17:1-37 
 And he said to his disciples, “Temptations to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin. Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”

240614 1531hrs

Now everything just about the same.... My bad point..... Thanks.... The words she use hurt me.

Those words I use "we don own each other" I say it because I didnt hear the reply from her..... If its harsh I am very sorry..... Yet again.... Its all about my bad point u pick up..... I am always so freaking bad.....

When in army when I saw things. She may like.... I buy and give it to her. In my Facebook. I wrote for her. I feeling and appreciate what she done. Yet all is I have bad habit this that...

Now I have to apologize for what I never even intend to do.

Guess its the same..... I always got misunderstood.

240614 1325hrs

Tender loving care?..... I did to a girl.... I got so damn hurt...... Isnt it the same?..... U got betray.... Thats y u need more time to open up..... What more I did not betray u....

Its a tragic end...... "Punny little human".... That can be something I can be faulted.... Sigh.... Every weak point I have is what u cannot accept..... Yet I become the victim of victim..... I didnt know.... Not that I don care.... Yet I have to be responsible for what I have that is accumilated in me all these years.....  

After ah chang is gone..... My heart never in one day have peace....

240614 1322hrs

Two world one family.....

240614 0956hrs

在指责人的缺点时 却忘了自己也不是完美的。。。

240614 937hrs

U may not understand when someone just die in front of u. So dear so precious. Yet u cannot even save them. What u can do is only to watch him die.....

Are u able to relate? That excruciating pain is unbearable. Yet I bear it till today...

Monday, 23 June 2014

230614 1900hrs

Dear dear 想想我们开心的时候。那是真的。我忽略了你是我的不对。 但我没有恶意。给我时间。我会为了我们的未来改进。

就算以后不能在一起了。 改也是一定的。虽然我每次都显得无所谓。但我真的很在乎你。

慢慢我也了解我自己多一点。在最悲伤的时候 我特别的感伤。 我从不因外人的说法而乱了自己。因为就因我的坚持才有现在的我。

U didnt lose ur ability to trust is that u r just confuse. I hope u will recover soon so we can have a good talk again

230614 1423hrs

爱。 不就是要原谅 迁就 爱乎 容忍 彼此的缺点吗?。 接受谁 就是他的一切。

230614 1309hrs

我每天都会想你. 只是没让你知道。 在爱情中的我.比较迟钝. 原谅我对你的自私。

230614 0845hrs

This is what she say

..Like I have said. I really Don have the ability to trust anymore. Thanks for trying hard to salvage our rs. It's good u know how u can better your next rs. Once again I want to emphasise that it is not that I have dig out ur past that I mind. It's past I know, I m looking at our rs as a whole. It's difficult for u to be trying hard to change yourself and as I always say...I Don like to force u do anything u don't like. If I selfless ask u to change your temper, even though it's good for u...I don't think u be happier. I only can say...right now I really have close up...be coz every time I open my heart, every time I try to trust, I get hurt. How u want me to get out of that mental state and start afresh with u? Repeat these whole cycle again? I am not 20plus young girl. I am not game for this.

To be frank, thanks for trying to teach Dalton. But your way isn't working on him. He didn't learn at all with your methods. Instead he is afraid of u.

Everyone around me disapprove me for being with u. Everyone were happy for me to leave u. I am the one who keeps thinking of excuses for how u treat me or y u r like that. They respect me for my choice hence some let me be. Not that it's doesn't hurt me that I am no longer with u. But I am sure u will find someone after me....and someone who maybe don't need to torelate u but can guide u better and make u a better u. Not say u not good...but u r too dominator, self centred, only u can win. U never know why people leave u? These r the reason...I know all this is something u don't like to hear coz if I tell u...its have long trigger your anger and resentment for yourself. U also scold people that they r puni little human remember? U say u respect people but by putting other people down is not right! All other people no matter how.....how not considerate, how bad their doing which r not to ur personal standard or principle. ..its their doing and karma...u can get angry in just that short burst because they did something which u think they shouldn't. ...don't u find ridiculous?

Really uncle ong advice u to not making so high expectation on everyone. Did the msg gets to u? No I don't think so. Uncle poh said something about u which u find insulted u remember? But really...I wanted to ask u...people wouldn't out of kpo say these kind of comment to u. He already ask u Don feel offended for what he is going to say. Yes, not 100% true but he mean good and y would he say so is becoz of how u project yourself. And once again I do know, u don't need to care what other people thinks about u. U do whatever u like, no one in the world can tell u what to do....how to live your life and all. But did u think, only those who care for u ...concern for u ....will then say so much to u.

I am being drawn into your negative mind set. My postive is not powerful enough or i should I am too weak to help u. I didn't want to penalise u off your good. U r good and kind but yet so devilish. But this is u. I dunno anyone even tell u all these before. But these are the things which push all your loves one away....really.

That day my intention was to tell your sis or rather thinking whether there r ways or maybe she can help along for letting her know i suspected the reason for your short temper. I said i suspected u r bipolar but i didn't want to leave you but that time i have really bad blood pressure rushing up when u were there throwing temper. That's all i told her.

I even have the need to seek help as i felt no senses of secure and depleting faith in u. I dig up your past for i want to understand u more....i want to know y were u like that or what kind of person u really are. How can i change myself to get your attention, how can I avoid certain topic of speech to not trigger u angry...but the more I try...The more tired I am. I can say I really love u a lot no matter how many people beside me, no one was agreedable that I am with u. I was still holding on to that little hope I have left. But u blow it. My last wire snapped.

I told u I warn my ex hus b4 not to betray me. End up he took me as a fool and continue his mistakes. Till today now. He still have rs problems, he still flirts. What's make u think u can change for the better and change for good? Have u really learn anything from your past rs? Y r u always in that cycle and just keep wasting your life away.

It's must be very hard for u. For those above I now mention may be something u known of or someone told u before ...or...no one ever tell u before be coz u will get angry before they even gets the message to u.

All this came natural from my heart just to tell u....and not belittle u or to tell u what u should do in your life. U should know my expectations of u is that minimum. Becoz I once loved u.

Sunday, 22 June 2014

220614 1251hrs

当我真的改了。 你可能也不在了。 谢谢你对我的一切。给我的一切. 我将会把它收藏在心的莫个角落。我是真的那么爱你。 对不起. 谢谢。我的将来我会走的好。 你也会一样。 :) loving u is such a wonderful thing. But very sadly I don have much time. At least now I know how I should move on. I know what I should take note. What I should be sensitive enough. 谢谢你的揉情 爱情。everyone kills me using my anger. But u are the only one that pointed out to me I am sick. I really apprecaite that. Thats why u are that special.

To my love doreen peng shi yun

220614 0911hrs

everytime my hand phone rings when she is not around. I am so happy because i knew it was her. but, now, all was my friend comforting me. i don think i will boat anymore. those memories are hers and hers alone.

You decided it. What we have build, ended it just because you think you should be doing it like this? saying i being childish? we are both adult and what we should be is to settle the problem then we move on. Not by saying how the problem affected me so we should stop.


Saturday, 21 June 2014

210614 0520hrs

She took down all the photo and the relationship status. Looks like it. Ok exactly the same. Woman...... I guess nothing much I can do. If this is the way it is. Im starting to feel regret for being such an idiot. Caring for the kids and thinking hard for the future. Yet at the end..... Deep in me I knew it wont end here.

Friday, 20 June 2014

200614 1523hrs

Y it always back to the same old shit. I have enough.... Getting angry and delusional. What the fuck is wrong!!!!!. Never mind then have it ur way. U are feeling drain... What about me??? Well then fuck it. I don need you.

I will just live the life I am. After so long liao u still cannot understand me. Thats ok. I will get going.

U stay happy and look for another part of u. I wont interfere.

Friday, 17 January 2014

170114 2043hrs

Its been very heart breaking. To see u like this. I have lost it all..... Right now as I speak. The inbearable gravity pull in my heart look like never end. Every moment I was sitting on the chair smoking playing my games, at the corner of my eyes, I keep seeing u. As I look to that direction. U r not there. Ah cang, it is me that I have fail to protect u, and not caring enough for u. I love u so much that, I give my all to u. Yet I never did enough. My lord, this very gift little cute creature u have given me. Words cannot express it. Nothing on earth can compare this gift u gave me. I am forever grateful and thankful.  My lord please take good care of him. If he comes back to you. Tell him I love him a lot. And I will look for him if I ever goes to heaven. My lord, please I beg of you.

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

231013 1535hrs

finally i realise, the one closest to you been doing something so terribly wrong. everything just so wrong. i have been hurt so bad this time. i don wanna forgive any longer. i have given too much time for this.

for the last 1 decade, i am living in the world full of deception, lies, i felt so fucking cheated. Hey come on!!! i am a human being just like everyone else, i show respect and love not for you to fucking destroy!!!!! worst of all, the one that hurt me is the one that brought me up. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG!!!!!! its breaking inside me so much and painful!!!!!! no more armor no more shield no more sword!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!

I did not give it up, even sister left hopelessly..... i hang in there for so fucking long in hope i am wrong..... now i knew i have to go..... do not look for me. this time even if i die outside. i will never even crawl back home. i don have a fucking home now. i don know what is family. is this the teaching you fucking pass on to your children?  don even talk about and say you guys have not much education!!!!!! because be it you study or not, morally got nothing to do with it!!!! 

you rather listen to the outside people, fuck you!!! i will never want to face you!!! honestly i don fucking know how to face you guys!!!!!! in my life, though i never behave well enough to be of standard. I STILL KNOW WHATS FAMILY HONOR, LOYALTY, i never back down from those.... my heart right now is so fucking painful..... i am crying, weeping while writing this.... things i never will do to others, i least expected that came from you!!!!!   To this stupid family, i am telling you, finally i will live my life in freedom. no hurtful words.... no mean words.... i have a life to go on... and when i return to myself again. don ever think about it. Why the fuck hidden agenda?????? from family!!!!!???? REALLY!!!!??? fuck!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, 11 April 2013

110413 2119Hrs

you have did something very wrong.... but you didnt realise it.... its not your fault.... anyway thanks for everything you have done :) comrade you are a good person that i wont find such person again...

do take care and live good, i know you will :)

Saturday, 16 March 2013

160313 2340Hrs

Miss the boat.... zuo le... wo zhen de hui tuo kan le ni yi yan.... dan zui zhong ni fa qi le... hao ba wo hui zhu fu ni.... I have left my port open up for you.... but then you have decided.... honestly i knew we will come to this.... i already told you.... but you are confirm during that time..... so i think i should be thinking of looking forward... Thanks comrade..... i will miss you deeply.... just might not be what we are anymore you know....

For now i need to re structure my path, and continuing mission. i have to move.... xin bu ding jiu bu neng xiang qian jing.... hope you will be able to see with your heart :)

Thursday, 14 March 2013

140313 0650Hrs

給你需要的幸福(看後哭了)
有一對情侶,都是大學生,他們畢業後,結婚了。結婚後,很幸福。這個女孩的一個朋友,老公很有錢,她們一起出去,人家買的都是貴的,她都是便宜的, 她就鬧心,然後就對老公發脾氣。她老公很體貼,問她怎麽了。她就說你掙那麽一點錢,連我買衣服的都不夠,然後他老公沈默了,沒說話。那女孩說,對不起哦。 過了一段時間,男孩和她說我在日本找了一份工作,明天就走,掙的錢多,掙的錢都給你打卡上。也許很久才能回來一次。
女孩哭了,想讓他留下,但是又想讓他多掙點錢。第二天,男孩走了,沒用多久,她的卡上就多了一萬塊錢。從此,她也有錢了,每天出去買好多衣服,她身 邊的朋友都羨慕她,可是,她心裏總是空空的。回到家,看到的是雙人床,可卻只有她自己睡了,每天都自己睡一邊,她越來越感到孤單。
很想老公,給他打電話,她說很想他,讓他回來。他沒有回來,還是繼續給她打錢,短短的半年,給她在卡上打了二百多萬。她說夠了,讓他回來,他還是不 回來,讓她好好在家呆著。她有了這麽多錢,也不工作了,就是每天逛街看電視,和朋友聊天。快一年的時候,她太想他了,就打電話,想讓他回來。可是,接電話 的是個女的。她就想,男人有錢就變壞,看來他真的是變壞了。她哭了好久,她哭著對自己說,我不要錢了,我只想要你。
過了幾天,她又給他打電話,這次是他自己接的。他對她說,我給你錢,你改嫁吧,我們離婚吧。女孩瘋了一樣的說,不行。他說他有了另一個女孩。女孩傷 心,每天出去買好多東西,填補內心的空虛。她想他,再次給他打電話的時候,又是那個女孩接的,那個女孩聲音很柔弱的對她說,你們離婚吧。過幾天離婚協議書 就給你打過去了。然後就掛了。這不到一年的時間,他已經在她卡上打了近三百多萬,她每次問他在做什麽,他都說在研究人體,所以給的錢多,她也就沒再問下 去。
這次,她再也受不了了,她買了去日本的機票,打聽了他在的地方。因為他一直沒告訴過她,他在哪裏。
 
她終於找到了他......
隱藏內容

在的地方,她找到了接電話的女孩,問她,他在哪。她低著頭說,你還是來了,你跟我來,然後她帶她來到了一家醫院。
 
她心裏緊張,經過一年的離別,終於可以見到日思夜想的他了。推開的,是病房的門,她進門的那一刻,她呆住了。看著病床上那個臉色蒼白的他,已經沒有了一年前的陽光和活力,二十多歲的男孩,現在已經像三四十歲,瘦的沒有一點點肉。 她跑過去,瘋狂的抱住他,問他這是怎麽了。他艱難的笑了笑,傻丫頭,你還是來了,我沒事。她哭了,轉過頭,問那個女孩,他和我離婚是因為你嗎?
他怎麽了,她低著頭,半天才說出話來。這個女孩只是醫院的護士而已,是照顧他的護士。她哭了,她說她看不下去了,然後跑出去了。女孩抱著他,問他怎麽了。他只是說,傻丫頭,那些錢都收到了吧,放心吧,那都是幹凈錢。我想夠你花很長時間了。
 
她哭了,還是問他怎麽了。他沒說。最後,她找到了那個女孩,問她。她告訴她,這個男孩一到日本他們就認識了,他一直在一家醫院研究一種病毒。這件事沒到生 存不下去的地步,沒人去做,因為,需要用自己做試驗,凡是接觸這種病毒的人都會慢慢的被感染,除非研究出解決的辦法來,只要同意研究,就會簽一份合同,合 同簽了,就會先付一百萬人民幣。
 
他猶豫了一下,還是簽了,他做到了。女孩知道後,瘋了一樣的哭著,在女孩最後陪伴他的日子裏,他是開心的,而她卻感覺自己是個罪人。男孩死了,女孩帶著他的骨灰回到了中國,回到了那個曾經一起共同創建的家。而如今,只剩下她一個人,和她花不完的錢。
她捧著曾經一起的照片哭了,跪在床邊,門響了,她打開門。收到了一個郵包。她打開郵包,是他走時候,她送給他的襯衫。一張卡和一封信從襯衫裏掉了出 來,信裏寫著:老婆,當你收到這封信的時候,也許叫遺書更合適吧,我已經不在人世了。我不知道這樣做對不對,是不是給了你想要的幸福,但是我知道,你肯定 不舍得我走。老婆,還記得我們剛結婚的時候,我答應你要給你想要的生活。我不知道這麽做對不對,老婆,那張卡裏有三百萬,夠你花了,你一定要幸福的。我不 後悔為你付出了生命,不要再想我了,只要記得,曾經有個男人很愛很愛你,為了你,什麽都能去做。丫頭,你要幸福的,我給了。你想要的物質,卻沒法再給你愛 情,但我在天上會繼續保護你,我愛你。

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

040313 2356Hrs

Hey bro..... i will say i beak my own promise to help you this time, i injured myself too. so they have give me face, you don go and create problem again. GRRR.... ever since i left, ever since i started my new life what the heck am i doing back there again.... you were once my bother and till now still is. so don just keep going and maintain your &^%$#%^ habit!!!!!

What happened today,  i will take it once and for all please for u and family sake stop ur FREAKING habit!!! How long u think i am able to save u? U better sayang ur wife more.... if she didnt call me u will be in damn big freaking trouble. Like i say to you brother will always be brother. but do spare a thought for your family

God bless us all AMEN

Sunday, 3 March 2013

030313 0358Hrs

I told her what i feel lo.... don know what will become of us. God it is your will and i would want to :)
I told her when the way she sayang the cat i felt like i wanna hug her... seriously people that love animal are so attractive to me and warm my heart so much :)

I would say, some how i knew you.... if you want spread your wings and fly..... when you are tired le, make your way back here if you want.... my port is open for you :)

God bless the world and you :)


030313 0105Hrs

Today uncle Gab tell me about putting others first before us. and he also mention that Helping people is good intension. but same time, must make sure it wont cause another problem within a problem. And also ourself must be healthy to help :)


Saturday, 2 March 2013

020313 1209Hrs

I forget to write something..... ok after i send her home we walk below her block to see the cats!!!! haha she love so the cat. and never in my life i saw a woman like this that love so the cat.

Again gravity pull this time its more like touch.... :)

020313 0545Hrs

we have a long chat at east coast about almost everything haha, -- wo meng hui zou dao na ge jin tou ma? she ask me that... i was shock... Erm right here i say maybe... but, don worry :) you can go ahead :)

I sense something. yet again, fog.... well don :) she told me about she cannot be with the up up guy... erm... i don know how to tell you.... coz something is stopping me.....

Emotion is something as human we cannot run away from.... yet again we try to control.... But what i can say, the more you wanna control it the more will lose control of it.

Just stay happy and smile from your heart for the rest of your life :) God bless u and family :)


Friday, 1 March 2013

010313 2344Hrs

Oh no.... :( its getting deeper...... why like this.... i feel the gravity pull inside my heart.... today got news from her.... a person that she is considering.... erm what can i say? one part wish you all the best, one part keep denying the news...

:) zhi yao ni kai xin, jiu you ni qu ba :) wo hui xiang shang di shuo, rang ta kan zhu ni :)

tian tian kai xin :)

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

270213 2035Hrs

I am sorry.... but i cant help falling for you...... Sorry I will try harder not to fall.... :(.....

270213 0042Hrs

My heart feels heavy... i felt something in me slowly is changing.... I cannot understand what is it.... Doe a person i just come to know about like weeks ago. somehow in her i sense confusion... yet clear... haha funny...

Recently i have come to know.... everytime i treat people good, but, in the end they will just heck care you when you are in trouble... why do i still feel for them? i cannot understand that part in me. why is it like this...

Guess its in my blood to treat people good... always got mistreat by people.... God why like this? i am not questioning you.... just felt sadden by this.... Since you created me, there's a purpose for me.... Just let me know what i need to do.... i receive order from you and i will accomplish it....

God bless the WORLD :)

Friday, 15 February 2013

150213 2114Hrs

Today suppose to go bible study but didnt go. A lots thought come into my mind sigh.... how do i get it off?

今之念,刻内心。往意时,飘我心。明知不可行,却有难受极。 为何为"情" 字烦?

 .... logic versus feeling. compromise versus compatibility... well human flaw.... things change..... people change... memory... stay.... thats why we dwell in it... the sweet good feeling of memory doesnt change.... i could not live in the past anymore..... Lord in heaven grant me strength to move forward.... Amen :)

Thursday, 14 February 2013

140213 0206Hrs

later my family going to HK :) my lord please i pray to you for their safety, if anything bad were to happened over there. PLEASE let it be me to take the hit please my lord i pray in Jesus name AMEN!!!

I started to miss someone.... but i seriously have to move on.... i am sorry i sound weak.... I think i will miss you and probably a long time... But rest assure i will not be loving you le... I did love you.... and thats did... I will be loving someone worth more of my time...

Lord i am sorry that i really TRY to love unconditionally. but i fail a lot time.. My lord please help me to love unconditionally.... My Lord please help me forget and forgive those i hurt and hurt me... only you have the power in Jesus name AMEN. :)

Friday, 8 February 2013

080213 0415Hrs

Its my Birthday :) but its a lonely birthday... i did came to know a few female friends... but i don know why... i have some special feeling only for one....

Saturday, 19 January 2013

190113 0214Hrs

11 days no news.... well be it ....

Thursday, 17 January 2013

170113 0252Hrs

Whatever you love, you will make a part of your life

Monday, 14 January 2013

140113 0840Hrs

As i was browsing around in facebook. found many old friends :) and i also notice a lot them have already married and have children liao.... i look at them and i look at myself.... 

here i am being always trouble by love..... what the heck man..... i have wasted enough time.I don want to waste anymore....

Enough is enough..... Sorry i have to go...

140113 0529Hrs

我的手握著方向盤                            
眼神停留在陌生的前方
週末夜晚擁擠的路上
我們能不能走到山頂上
你就坐在我的身旁
為什麼心卻生活在他方
周圍夜色如此得迷亂
沉默中聽見不安的試探
你愛我嗎
我可以這樣問你嗎
你愛我嗎
你給我的溫柔是寂寞嗎
你愛我嗎
你心裡還有遺憾嗎
你是真的愛我嗎

城市裡燈火正輝煌
我們的未來在什麼地方
週末夜晚天空正閃亮
幸福是不是還握在手上
你就靠在我的肩膀
為什麼心卻沉沒在遠方
窗外天空依然還溫暖
歎息中發現不只是不安
你愛我嗎
我可以這樣問你嗎
你愛我嗎
你給我的溫柔是寂寞嗎
你愛我嗎
你心裡還有遺憾嗎
你是真的快樂嗎
你愛我嗎
你這樣問過自已嗎
你愛我嗎
你給我的擁抱是習慣嗎
你愛我嗎
你的心裡還是唯一嗎
你愛我嗎
你是真的愛我嗎

Sunday, 13 January 2013

130113 1816Hrs

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ...

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

... Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥

Saturday, 12 January 2013

120113 0219Hrs

120113 0046 HRS

Sigh.... mind torturing.... Another freaking mind game (*%$&.....  totally lost it.... go ahead your way.... may your next be able to work it out with you.....

Mind set all wrong still upholding it.... you are the one that say you don care so hope you don ever regret saying that.

Friday, 11 January 2013

110113 1735Hrs

Hmm 3rd day no reply... ok i think i have to make up my mind. really am wasting time....

Thursday, 10 January 2013

100113 0304Hrs

The only thing that keeps me loving you is the hope that maybe-maybe you’ll love me back someday

100113 0300Hrs

100113 0252Hrs

I´ve always wanted her to love me the way I loved her. She did love me, I know she did. Just not the way I wanted her to… I’d always secretly believed that a love as fierce and true as mine would be rewarded in the end, and now I was being forced to accept the bitter truth

100113 0248Hrs

I wish you care about me.......

100113 0245Hrs

100113 0242Hrs

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

010813 0233Hrs

..... my first post in 2013.... strange i have facebook but im still here :) i don know why my brain always work so powerfully at night..... Lord please help me.... cant sleep....

Recently i realise i did a lot things to hurt someone.... i am truly sorry. then again what i am going through now is what i've done back to me.... well, i accepted le....

wo ai ni, dan que huan lai bei shang.... zhi xiang ting ting ni de sheng yin, dan ni que bu hui zhu dong....nan ren ye xu yao ren teng... yin xiong ye yao rou qing ban.... kan lai, wo de gan qing lu hen shi kan ke.... bei shang le hen jiu, ye bu zhi dao zhe mei shou...

na zhong bei shang de gan jue hao zhen shi.... tong de wo mei fa shuo chu kou... xiang zhao ren liao shi, que you shuo bu chu kou.... mao dun....

Tuesday, 25 December 2012

251212 0427Hrs

A lonely christmas, raining.... i feel heavy.... actually wanted to spend it with my love but no more.... well, guess i have finish the trial...

End of the world is indeed bull shit... a lot people making up story this and that. Its only through thick and thin, u will see a person true heart. guess that very true.... but for me be it or not i always give it all, and now feeling sad again.....

guess im stupid enough to fall for it again.

Monday, 24 December 2012

241212 1441Hrs

This year im gonna get my ccnp :) the good lord please help me :) But Lonely Christmas....

241212 1231Hrs

Sigh i thought this year christmas will be so nice and warm :( someone just destroy it again....

Fuck that. Go and be the way you are. when thing gets better, someone will love me for who i am.

Any way thanks for accompany me those period of time.




Sunday, 23 December 2012

231212 1656Hrs

What the hell is this all happening again. really what the fuck. Not a caring person thats all she say. fine, go ahead. i have been telling you, and you still wanna be like this. go ahead

you are just wasting my time. really go forward and move on to your next guy. i don wanna be so stupid again to keep chasing. i am tired.

May god bless you.

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

191212 1021Hrs

I was on my way to client site at bugis, guess who I saw? its Catherine, Sylvia second sister. she was with her daughter baby Karen. :) she call me and Karen was actually waving at me haha,

never seen Karen for a while since sometime back. she still remember me :)the whole event last about 1 to 2 minutes.

I do get funny thought, weird and sad feeling :( what is this all about man :(

well at least for that moment only.....
  

Thursday, 13 December 2012

131212 1130 Hrs


131212 1048Hrs

I met a broken girl, knowing she was cheated and heart broken for the lie and hurts for the last five years. I stay with her giving her everything I have. In sometime later, some how I knew she wont be loving me back.

But I still care for her. She is afraid of thunder, whenever it sound off I would hold her in my arms, and cover her ear, making sure she feel safe... and days to come whenever its raining if I am not anywhere near her, I will text her to be careful. My feeling grow so strongly for broken girl.... whenever I am sleeping with broken girl in the middle of the night, I would sit beside her watching broken girl sleep. I feel safe and for a moment I close my eyes.

I've give broken girl a present I don't think anyone of her ex could give. I have met broken girl's mom and grandmom. Both don like me.... because I am poor, I don have the financial power.broken girl hide it away, I never knew that... till the day broken girl told me about it. broken girl told me she have dated a few guys... my heart is very very broken, my knight armor shed into pieces... leaving my so open up to attacks.... in my heart I was so afraid and lost and hopeless, lonely......

I pray to God to give me strength to love unconditionally. but I fail.... I left broken girl, broken girl cry very hard for the first time. my heart became soft again.... holding her in my arms again.... But just to let broken girl hurt me again....

................. I really wish you good from the bottom of my heart.

I wish broken girl will have a blessed and wonderful life she wish for... broken girl left me with a happy heart now.....

I am left over with broken heart....

131212 0945Hrs

I was suppose to write something yesterday 121212. But no time haha.... today I reach office, nothing to do again. slowly this place is becoming walking dead... few of my comrade left... I am demoralize. what good is there to stay?....

I have come to this place for a new start new life. But all it seems now is becoming worst.... maybe perhaps God want me to go through this trial again? My Lord, for you know my loyalty for you. I have lost a very good comrade for me.. Alvin Ang.... and recently I lost my motivation again. Its so damn hard for me to just keep it up.

Recently I've been researching on zodiac, why do I even have to be born on this day.... date..... Why the FUCK am I so different from others?????  FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh..... never mind I will pick my bag up again and step by step inch out to my dream. my dream the northern light... I know I might not make it, but, I would die try.... even if it mean I have to go alone.... of coz in my heart I really wish I could go with my love.... but then again.... well lets stop here.... coz I know it wont help anything anymore.....

I am losing my grip....  even I am losing it, I would still help anyone that needed help.... a lot people say that I am stupid.... but I really don know why I will help and I give my all to it too.... why I am build like this???   why am I born like this? I don think its of my parent coz they are not that helpful, though helpful. Can someone just point me in the right direction?

A lot people look at me I am a very happy person and without problem trouble and all. But, people deep in me I don know how I should tell you its killing me inside and none have seen it. when I am very close with you then you might see. for now I would just be what it is....

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

271112 2321Hrs

I have not been updating for awhile.... again this is going no where... but i guess this will be harder. God telling me i should let go the past.... i should since i let it go le.... :)

This time its hard, i knew it will get harder. well lets see.... i don want to be such fool anymore....

271112 1703Hrs

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/facts-about-aquarius.html

Friday, 23 November 2012

231112 1632Hrs

One Aquarian was ready to do a suicidal jump when he found another man there. The Aquarian persuaded the man to give up such 'evil' idea, pumping a lot of will power, optimism and that man went away happily. Then the Aquarian jumped off the cliff! Aquarian gives hope, life happiness, optimism to others even if he does not find them in his life

Sunday, 18 November 2012

181112 2200Hrs

後來 我總算學會了如何去愛 可惜你早已遠去 消失在人海 後來 終於在眼淚中明白 有些人 一旦錯過就不再 梔子花白花瓣 落在我藍色百褶裙上 愛你 你輕聲說 我低下頭聞見一陣芬芳 那個永恆的夜晚 十七歲仲夏 你吻我的那個夜晚 讓我往後的時光 每當有感嘆 總想起當天的星光 那時候的愛情 為什麼就能那樣簡單 而又是為什麼 人年少時 一定要讓深愛的人受傷 在這相似的深夜裡 你是否一樣 也在靜靜追悔感傷 如果當時我們能 不那麼倔強 現在也不那麼遺憾 你都如何回憶我 帶著笑或是很沉默 這些年來 有沒有人能讓你不寂寞  永遠不會再重來 有一個男孩 愛著那個女孩...

Monday, 5 November 2012

051112 1713HRS



In life, God doesn't give you the people you want, instead he gives you the people you need. To teach you, to hurt you, to love you, and make you exactly the way you should be

 

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

091012 1253Hrs

Its been awhile... I saw fin and her boyfriend facebook they look happy :) Good looks like father in heaven have blessed them :) Hope this continue.

I don know about Sylvia, i wsh that happened to her too.

Sally how about you? are you getting on well? :)

Friday, 21 September 2012

210912 1205Hrs

Hey haha i am back :) I missed you :) Do you know? When you talk to me i am happy :)

Sunday, 9 September 2012

090912 2242Hrs

  • 这一场 倾盆大雨 救不了 守夜的我
  • 往事的镜头 慢动作重播 每一个 你的 停格
  • 你的发 是为谁剪 心疼你 憔悴的脸
  • 你一定哭过 挣扎了很久 我猜他对你不错

  • 抢救你的爱 你别说 你还是 很快乐
  • 他不可能给你幸福的
  • 跟命运交手 输的是我 我拼了命还是迟了

  • 抢救你的爱 你别说 会永远想念我
  • 我早已不是他的对手 就算爱情不可能复活
  • 你别说 亲爱的 再见了
  • Saturday, 8 September 2012

    080912 1803Hrs

    Generally speaking Aquarians are: communicative, thoughtful & caring, co-operative, dependable, scientific, independent in thought & action, magnetic, inventive, loyal but rarely jealous. They can also be tactless & rude, eccentric, self-interested, lack conviction and voyeuristic.
    Aquarius men are very independent people, they like their space in relationships, they are very smart, and love a women whom they can have intellectual conversations with. They fall in love with a woman who is understanding, caring, encouraging and positive, and dosent rush him into things. He likes an independent woman who also has a life of her own. No one controlling, or obsessive.
    They are great boyfriends and very action orientated. Its hard for them to express themselves verbally but do not blame him for this. Plus, actions always speak louder than words. :)
    Be patient with him, interested in his everyday life, and always stay postitive and encouraging. Most importantly Always act like a lady. They love feminine ladies, whom they respect.

    he’ll seldom bother to check whether they’re appropriate for the
    occasion. He’ll show up barefoot if he feels like it, and laugh at you for laughing at him. Aquarians often deliberately adopt weird attire to show their refusal to conform

    Tuesday, 4 September 2012

    040912 0127Hrs

    I cannot sleep i don know why..... i have been in the company for 2 month lo.... happy and angry in a way... Like i told sylvia i didnt know there is still such good and almost perfect girls out there after i left her...

    I feel much happier now :) hahaha my brain is killing me though... i have this problem since i was a kid.... i know my brain is so much more powerful at night..... i don even know why..... maybe God forbi me from using it from things he don know me to.... and in one way i understand..... if i have the power i might abuse...

    Thank God for loving me..... God though i always sin against you. but you keep forgiving me.... God if one day i really cannot take it anymore. I humbly ask of you please have mercy on me.....

    recently i met a girl from my working friend. Her name is christine Goh, hope i get her name correct.  i disturb her haha sms her haha.. till she cannot take it haha.... i like to disturb people yay hahaha.....

    all this while i'm been living in a life of lies.... she lie to her mom grandmom and family..... she been through that but still put me throught it... sigh.... luckily i realise it, and walk away... she been toying with my feeling..... well, good luck. coz i still pray for you. she is just so bad in someways..... still have the cheek to hide things from her mom and grandmom.... because of her impression is so good in her family...... living your life in lies??? 

    when one day everything been found out lets see if you can take it. for i am always direct and straight forward. i never even thing of hurting anyone.

    Fin i have been praying for you. but you yourself have to let go the fear. simply you didnt recover and just step into the relationship.. now you are facing problem, you keep blaming your fear..... i have and did told you at the beginning of our break up. but you choose not to listen. cant blame you also.  i understand. if you have step out of the mental state you are in now you can see better.

    Sally i am sorry that i could not love you. just simply you are just so perfect. i know you don mind. but, simply i could not believe good things happened to me too. i have to reject you. for the condition you are right now. you should find some one on par with you. for me..... i can only say that i don deserve good things in a way.

    If i ever have a chance, i would live my life good and no bad habbit. God i love you.... if i never come to know you..... i think i will be just a low life...... but you have make me become strong in faith. :) Lord of lord King of king. I love you.

    Sunday, 2 September 2012

    020912 1323Hrs

    Hmmmm...... So is she interested? or just i think too much? well, let it be man.....

    Friday, 31 August 2012

    310812 2034Hrs

    A woman loyalty is tested when her man got nothing. A man loyalty is tested when he got everything....

    Thursday, 30 August 2012

    300812 1849Hrs

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gji_GtyCNo&feature=related


    Wednesday, 29 August 2012

    290812 2335Hrs

    i have return everything to you. my heart will die and never return to you. today onward, you live your life towards what you want. nothing of you i will concern.

    290812 1050Hrs

    Ni da yin wo de wo duo ji de..... dan shi ni que wang le ni de cheng nuo......

    Monday, 27 August 2012

    270812 1034Hrs

    Where are all my comrade? Grey..................................................................

    270812 1023Hrs

    Here I am waiting


    Abide in me I pray

    Here I am longing

    For You

    Hide me in Your love

    Bring me to my knees

    May I know Jesus

    More and more
    Come live in me

    All my life

    Take over
    Come breathe in me

    I will rise

    On eagle’s wings

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVEvD30e5yc



    Saturday, 25 August 2012

    250812 1334Hrs

    just now meeting my boss praise me in front everyone muhahaha.... say that i as a new engineer got praise by the COO of At-sunrice. And still tell those engineer who have been there for years before me, " don see that Jack like Ah Beng Ah Beng, but he is up there. and a lot of client and customer like him a lot. I don know why the client and customer like him so much. but everything is very good"

    My Boss mention to everyone also, i am the only engineer that is handling account before i have any training and say i am official secondary person in charge of At-Sunrice. haha. i didnt know i was this good..... I just merely do what i do :) Thank you my lord for concerning me :) all praise goes to you :)

    Looks like my Luck have change :) the darkest days of my life have been lifted by God. God because of your grace, your mercy, and your great LOVE... :) Thank you :)

    When i started this job the first day, i was so down in spirit, coz some thing happened. i Lost my support from someone i loved..... and i felt even more down when in my company, many people left...... but, God reassure that i am who i am :) i love you my Lord :) you show me tremendous Love patient care and concern. :)  There's so much you give :) my Lord once again i cannot thank you enough :)

    I don know if its you that send someone that know me so much. but yet again, she is not a believer.....
    My lord you say before fear you is the beginning of wisdom.... i started to feel that, that really is in me a little now :)

    I been praying to those i hurt and those that hurt me almost every night. have a good life with your partner and live your life well. i will keep praying :) Letting go and forgiving and forgetting sound simple yet again its not. But with the strength of God you can :)  


    Thursday, 23 August 2012

    230812 1214Hrs

    :) yay hahahahaha... didnt expect that i would meet someone like this..... :) before we met, thats so near yet so far. been going to care group in uncle gab and chee cheong fan place at pasir ris. you are at pasir ris too. its like out of no where you pop out hahaha.... and in God name really just this close half door open up.... in my heart.

    But precisely thats just too fast, i really thank you for that real concern, care and love you gave me :) and everything about you was just so real. financially, love, character, taste, upmost important the love in your heart and we think 95% alike...

    Thats just goes beyond what mortal words can express :) i finally realise that this is a real thing :) the love and being love. and love..... :)

    But the old wound i have, please understand..... i do not want you to think like i am wanting you to do whatever i like. but, given your condition...... given your everything. given your heart and soul. is in every single way exceeded my expectation. And i didnt even expect anything. BUT YOU GAVE EVERYTHING THING......

    I am in awe..... and cannot move a inch. coz you are just so freaking perfect.... till now you have met my church friends. you should know :) you keep praising me..... i am knowlegdable, kind, pure heart, witty, very street smart. Justise, have a powerful mind... even your most hard to crack friend find me good.

    you know all this? you and your friends and me are in total out of this world, our world are so different. But yet you and your friends find i am such a good person. it really shock me so much..... in the past, i always thought people with degree in academic is very different from people like me.
    But, you and your friend prove otherwise...... i lost my words....... so powerful man really. you know something?.... you are really in my soul and mind, just without completing the sentences we know what we want to say..... thats just so freaking amazing!!!!!!!!!

    Wanting to buy me a smart phone, and doing what to contribute... is the heart and thought that count :) Thank you so much that you love me this much and all..... i really have already put you into my mind.... i believe in time, you will be in my heart :)

    Hug you Sally :)

    My Posthumous Name

    忠武: "Loyal and Martial" 

    No wonder people say i am justice haha. not trying to be proud but this is real.

    230812 1125Hrs

    Guo Jia was born in the county of Yangdi (present-day Yuzhou, Henan). He initially sought a position under Yuan Shao, the most powerful warlord in northern China at that time. However, he judged Yuan Shao to be an indecisive man who did not know how to fully make use of talented people. Thinking that Yuan Shao had little hope of achieving great things, Guo Jia left his service.

    In 196, Guo Jia was recommended to Cao Cao by Xun Yu. After a discussion about the state of China at that time, both found each other likable. Cao Cao then made Guo Jia his military advisor.

    During the campaign against Lü Bu in 198, Cao Cao's force won three consecutive battles, forcing his enemy to retreat and fortify itself within the city of Xiapi. By then Cao Cao's troops were exhausted from fighting, and he intended to withdraw. However, Guo Jia persuaded Cao Cao to press on and not give Lü Bu time to recuperate. Cao Cao took the advice and ultimately prevailed against his opponent.

    In 200, Cao Cao confronted Yuan Shao's forces at the Battle of Guandu, leaving his base city Xuchang sparsely guarded. Seeing this opportunity, Sun Ce, a warlord in the south, planned to move north and attack Xuchang. Everyone despaired at the news, but Guo Jia foretold that Sun Ce, being proud and impulsive, would be killed by his own people before reaching Xuchang. True to his prediction, Sun Ce was assassinated before he could even cross the Yangtze River. Cao Cao then scored a great victory against Yuan Shao, solidifying his position as the strongest warlord in the north.

    After losing the Battle of Guandu, Yuan Shao soon died. His legacy was contested between two of his sons, Yuan Tan and Yuan Shang. Many urged Cao Cao to seize the opportunity to root out the heirs. However, Guo Jia advised Cao Cao to turn his attention south to attack Liu Biao in Jing Province and let the brothers destroy themselves in battle with each other.

    Cao Cao accepted Guo Jia's counsel and prepared for a campaign against Liu Biao. The Yuan brothers did indeed wear themselves out, resulting in the overmatched Yuan Tan seeking Cao Cao's aid. Cao Cao moved his force north again and easily defeated Yuan Shang, who escaped to Tadun, chief of the Wuhuan tribes. Cao Cao then conquered Yuan Tan in Nanpi and took control of Ji Province.

    At this time, Cao Cao intended to launch an expedition deep into the north to eradicate Yuan Shang and the Wuhuan tribes, but many feared that Liu Biao would attack from the south. Guo Jia encouraged Cao Cao to quickly take up the expedition to prevent a resurgence of Yuan Shang's power. Under Guo Jia's counsel, the army travelled light, leaving behind the bulk of supplies. The resulting swift strike caught the Wuhuan unprepared in the Battle of White Wolf Mountain. Tadun was killed and Yuan Shang went into exile in present-day Heilongjiang and Jilin.

    Guo Jia died of a sickness in 207 at the young age of 37. He was conferred the posthumous title of "Marquis Zhen" (贞侯). A year later, after Cao Cao was defeated at the Battle of Red Cliffs, he lamented, "If Fengxiao (Guo Jia's style name) were alive, I would not be in this state."



    Wednesday, 22 August 2012

    220812 1100Hrs

    There was nothing to say the day she left


    I just filled a suitcase full of regrets

    I hailed a taxi in the rain

    Looking for some place to ease the pain, ooh

    Then like an answered prayer

    I turned around and found you there

     You really know where to start

    Fixing a broken heart

    You really know what to do

    Your emotional tools can`t cure any fool

    Whose dreams have fallen apart

    Fixing a broken heart


    Ever could understand what I'm going through

    There must be a plan that led me to you

    Cause of the hurt just disappears

    In every moment you are near, yeah

    Just like an answered prayer

    You make the loneliness easy to bear



    Soon the rain will stop falling baby

    Let's I'll forget the past

    'cause here we are at last



    220812 1052Hrs

    不確定就別親吻 感情很容易毀了一個人


    一個人若不夠狠 愛淡了不離不棄多殘忍

    Don't kiss if you are unsure, Feelings can too easily destroy a person

    If one is not ruthless enough, When love fades away, still staying together is even more cruel than leaving



    你留下來的垃圾 我一天一天總會丟完的

    我甚至真心真意的祝福 永恆在你的身上先發生

    The mess you left behind, I will slowly finish clearing all of them away for you

    I even sincerely hope that, Eternity happens in your life first before it happens in mine



    你還是要幸福 你千萬不要再招惹別人哭

    所有錯誤從我這裏落幕 別跟著我 銘心 刻骨

    You must still live happily ever after. Don't make another dear ones cry again.

    All your mistakes stop here with me. Leave me, and let this love forever be remembered.



    你還是要幸福 我才能確定我還得很清楚

    確定自己再也不會佔據 你的篇幅

    明天 開始 這一切都結束

    You must still live happily ever after. Only then can I be sure I've returned all that I've owed you.

    Sure that I will no longer have a place in any part of your life

    Starting from tomorrow onwards, All of this will end



    還我鑰匙的備份 我覺得再見可以很單純

    我甚至真心真意的祝福 永恆在你的身上先發生

    Return me your copy of my house keys. I think the next time we meet, it can be as friends

    I even sincerely hope that Eternal love finds you before it finds me



    你還是要幸福 你千萬不要再招惹別人哭

    所有錯誤從我這裏落幕 別跟著我 銘心 刻骨

    You must still live happily ever after. Don't make another dear ones cry again.

    All your mistakes stop here with me. Leave me, and let this love forever be remembered.



    你還是要幸福 我才能確定我還得很清楚

    確定自己再也不會佔據 你的篇幅

    明天 開始 這一切都結束

    You must still live happily ever after. Only then can I be sure I've returned all that I've owed you.

    Sure that I will no longer have a place in any part of your life.

    Starting from tomorrow onwards, All of this will end.



    你還是要幸福 你千萬不要再招惹別人哭

    所有錯誤從我這裏落幕 別跟著我 銘心 刻骨

    You must still live happily ever after. Don't make another dear ones cry again.

    All your mistakes stop here with me. Leave me, and let this love forever be remembered.



    你如果很幸福 半夜的簡訊我就無需回覆

    因為你的悲喜已經有了 容身之處 我也 能有 最純粹的孤獨 最孤獨的孤獨

    If you live happy ever after, I won't need to reply the message I received late at night.

    Because you would already have found a place for all your sorrows and joys.

    And I, would also be able to, have the purest form of loneliness. The loneliest of loneliness.



    Thursday, 9 August 2012

    090812 1426Hrs

    zhi dao shuo you de meng yi po shui, cai kan Jian ni de yan lei he hou hui......  wu shi duo xiang zai gei ni ji hui, duo xiang wen ni jiu jing ai shui.....

    Ji rang ai nan fen shi fei, jiu bie tao bi yong gan mian tui..... gei le ta de xin ni shi fo neng gou yao de hui............

    090812 1417Hrs

    National day :) yesterday, me maro and ah boon go for a drink :) haha nice :) looks like my life getting a little better :) also yesterday i was not in a very good mood.... but better now :)


    .... do take care :) i didnt pray for you yesterday..... sorry.... but u should be good from now on :) My friend say i should pray for myself.... But the me i am i just cannot be selfish..... i help others willingly i don hold it.... thats just me the way i am....

    As you goes through life you'll see, there is so much that be... don understand.....
    And the only thing we know is things don always goes.... the way we plan....
    Is there so much i can be, can i just still be me??? the way i am......

    Da Gong Wu Si....... She Sheng Wei Ren..... Jue Wu Wei Ji.......

    Wednesday, 8 August 2012

    080812 2024Hrs

    On august 6th, i was working in suntec. while i was troubleshooting the server... my nose start to bleed. i didnt even realise.... my friend got scare.... hahaha. i think i am seriously injured.....

    Sunday, 5 August 2012

    050812 1951Hrs

    I am very sorry i hurt you in a way. i never wanted that. God bless you.....

    Friday, 3 August 2012

    030812 2304Hrs

    When two people comes from two of different world, comes together.... its is fate. Yuan Fen... Must we be so logical till all things a black and white? .... You come and go, she leave and stay.... I thank you for doing so.... i see you.... feel you.... lastly love you.....but the love part have die off.....